Miltons Pimp My Wedding
Miltons is going to hook up entire weddings, up to 8 groomsmen, with all the gear they need. Send in your email to pimpmylook@barstoolsports.com and we’ll have stoolies vote for the winners. We’re loading up for the next wedding to pimp so send in your candidates now. Next winner will be announced May 6th.
Today’s Contestant
Reader Email
Boys
My name is Tyler and I’ve been a Stoolie since reading Barstool meant picking up one of the hard copies Portnoy distributed around Boston with his van. Really happy for you guys to come to New York, looking forward to more casting couch videos, that shit’s great.
At any rate, my girlfriend agreed to be my wife even though I’ve got this weird, shitty body, bad haircut, and a really greasy group of friends. As you can see, I can barely dress myself, so I could use some help looking halfway decent on my wedding day (September 10th). Normally, I’d just let her handle it but my wedding party’s style problems extend beyond my own fashion shortcomings. I’m hoping you, the Stoolies, and Milton’s can help me sort this out.
My brother Dylan is my best man and high style for him is anything without sleeves, so I can’t ask him for help. He’s my baby brother so I’ll go easy on him here and save all my sick burns for my groomsmen.
My groomsmen are those greasy friends I mentioned earlier- Moose, Kevin, and Matt. Moose has been my friend since we were 12; he mainly subsists on steak and cheese subs and Family Size Stouffer’s mac-n-cheese. Moose really only wore jerseys growing up, so he’s got a deep roster in his closet, including Vince Wilfork, Terrell Fletcher, and Terry O’Reilly, among others. Not exactly appropriate for the #rusticchic theme my fiance’s after.
As for the rest, well they’re hopeless too. Kevin’s not really known for his dapper manner of dress. Kid looks like the pringles man, chef boyardee, or a murderer, depending on who you ask.
Rounding out the group is my fiance’s younger brother, Matt. He exclusively wears gym shorts so he’s useless too.
My fiance is a nice girl and I think she deserves to have me looking good just this one time. Please help me out, vote for my disheveled, weird wedding party today. Would really make my year if you guys could help out.
Thanks
Tyler
(59 votes, average: 4.00 out of 10)
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