I Stand By My Joke That The City Of Philadelphia Is Crying Over

So I tweeted the above this morning and the entire city of Philadelphia is ready to murder me about it. I’m shocked. I’m actually offended that the city of Philly is offended. Do I really have to spell it out for you guys? Ok fine. I do not think the Flyers purposely killed their founder in order to get extra motivation for the playoffs. Holy fucking shit I can’t believe I had to type that.

Now, for the people who think I am making fun of cancer or something like that, shut the fuck up. I don’t know how you could make that leap, but nice try.  When it comes down to it, everyone knows teams play better when they have an old dead guy to play for. It’s science. The one that stands out most in my mind is Wellington Mara died on October 25, 2005 and then the Giants crushed the Redskins 36-0 on October 30th. There’s no way they win 36-0 if that doesn’t happen.

I will say this though, I wish I could replace the word “sympathy” with “motivation”. I had just woke up and my brain was working at like 35%. Motivation makes a lot more sense, sympathy is still pretty funny though.

But all you outrage monkeys are insufferable. And save your “too soon” bullshit. When is something not “too soon”? Who sets those guidelines? My too soon might not be your too soon. It’s just the world we live in now, everyone wants to get up their #ThoughtsAndPrayers and pretend to give a fuck.

Usually when someone is under fire for an “offensive” tweet I can see both sides. I can see how the outraged party can be outraged. I can at least understand it. My tweet though? Come fucking on. It’s not making fun of cancer, it’s not making fun of death, nothing. It’s making fun of the Flyers. If say, the owner of the Red Wings died, you could make the same joke. Just a team looking for an extra push before the playoffs begin. Little Caesar’s looking to increase sales.

Couple things I learned today:

1) A lotttt of people in Philly believe in karma. If only they believed in hygiene and grammar as passionately. I guess so many people believe in karma because they are hoping it’s another fake thing they can pelt with snowballs.

2) A lottttt of people get upset over a Tweet and then wish YOU get cancer. It’s like rainnnnnn, on your wedding day. This one was my favorite:

In conclusion, if you’re offended by my Tweet, oh well. It’s just a Tweet. One of millions that will be sent today. Billions? I actually don’t know. Some see the humor in it. Some don’t. But spare me the crying and carrying on. I have people tweeting me 10 part essays about their feelings towards it. Move on, homie.