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USA Continues To Dominate Canada In Hockey, Win The Women's World Championship

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Did I follow the Women’s World Championships as closely as I would have liked to this year? No, not exactly. Did I get around to watching a single second of the tournament this year? No, not exactly. But all I know is that you can throw Hockey Canada another L on the year as 2016 continues to be one of the most embarrassing in their history. Just a quick recap of everything that has happened so far this year, and it’s still only April.

Every Canadian NHL team has been eliminated from playoff contention and for the first year since 1970, we’ll have a Canadian-less NHL playoffs. This means that we’ll go at least 23 years since the last time a Canadian team won the Stanley Cup. Obama has already bodied Canadian PM Justin Trudeau over that on multiple occasions. The Canadian World Juniors team was a complete disaster and with all 7 Canadian teams possibly having a top 10 pick in the draft this year, there’s a good chance that those picks are used on 3 Americans, 3 Finns and a Swede. And last night? Well last night they got beat down by America’s finest in the Women’s World Championships final. Few quick highlights here because it seems like it was actually a great game if you watched it.

You see, this is where you really see the impact that Julie “The Cat” Gaffney has on the world of hockey. Every little girl who laces up a pair of skates has probably dreamed of having her own moment gloving Gunnar Stahl’s clapper in the shootout. So just as every player in Sweden grew up wanting to be the next Nick Lidstrom which has led to an influx of players like Erik Karlsson and Victor Hedman and John Klingberg, every girl grew up wanting to be Julie The Cat. Which explains why Canadian goaltender Emerance Maschmeyer and USA goalie Alex Rigsby were dominating the show last night. Also, friendly reminder that Julie The Cat can kinda get it now.

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“Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other, there’s a chance they might somehow… kiss”

Eventually it would be Alex Carpenter who would score the game winner in overtime for the United States.

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I guess you can count that as payback for Sidney Crosby in 2010, you punk ass syrup guzzling moose riding denim jacket wearing overly polite cock suckers. Moral of the story is that Canada sucks at hockey now and they should just accept the fact. The United States is taking over and while we appreciate our friends up north for inventing the game, it’s time to take what is rightfully ours. USA! USA! USA! USA! Now somebody do me a favor and cue the Hilary Knight pics.

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