The Astros Prank On Jose Altuve Was Pretty Messed Up

That’s messed up, man. Rey Mysterio Jr. is taller than Jose Altuve. Think about that. There’s nobody in the world that’s more insecure than short dudes. That’s why a lot of them are jacked out of their minds. They can’t grow up, so they try to grow out. Or in Altuve’s case, they just smash baseballs.

I don’t know what’s a worse insult when you’re busting your buddy’s balls — you sit down when you pee, or you can only use the kiddie urinal. Probably you can only use the kiddie urinal, because I feel like that might actually be true for Altuve. I’m sure that cuts deep. However, even at 5’5”, Altuve is still one of the baddest dudes in the game with three All Star nods, two Silver Sluggers, a Gold Glove award, a batting title, and he’s led the league in both hits and steals twice. Not bad for only being 25, too. He might have to piss in the kiddie urinals, but when he does, it’s American League batting champion piss and yours isn’t.