Phil Jackson Is On Spring Break In Woodstock To #EmbraceTheSerpent

Such a Zen Master tweet right there. I mean there were no “goink” misspellings or anything like that, but still Phil being Phil. Escaping the hustle and bustle that is whatever multi-million dollar apartment he is living in to get away, probably smoke a shitload of weed and fix the Knicks. Or probably just get as far away from James Dolan as a tank of gas will take his car and speak to the spirits of Woodstock past about how to resurrect this franchise before Isiah inevitably makes his power play to become team president again. So Phil gets to recharge the batteries a little while Kurt Rambis gets to coach the team while his meal ticket is gone. What can possibly go wrong?

Now I’m not sure what #Embrace The Serpent means. Maybe it’s a joke about having a bunch of vacation sex with Jeanie. Maybe it’s a message to the Kings to embrace George Karl. Maybe he wants to trade for D’Angelo Russell after he pulled that snake move on Swaggy P. Or maybe Phil got into the bad peyote again. But the one thing do I know is that it doesn’t mean Phil is figuring out who the Knicks will take in the draft. Because here is a list of all the picks the Knicks have in this year’s draft:

Yup, that’s it. Zero. A goose egg. For the second time in three years, the Knicks will be in the lottery without a first round pick. And this year they don’t have a second round pick. I hate this franchise and I’m growing to hate the Zen Master really quickly. But you know what? Fuck it. I don’t have any other choice but to #EmbraceTheSerpent, no matter what it means. If Phil is getting into some weird hippie black magic up in Woodstock, count me in. I’ll do a lot worse than dabble in some voodoo and buy a Jobu doll in order to get the Knicks a championship. In Zen Master we trust!*

*Because we don’t have a choice and he is probably still better than Isiah.