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I Don't Love This Tiger Woods Sports Illustrated Cover


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Well that’s a punch in the gut I wasn’t expecting. Why? Why did they do that? We’re a week out from the Masters, it’s a totally open field this year, Jason Day is coming of back to back wins, everybody is in good spirits and Sports Illustrated drops that on us. Questioning what the hell happened to Tiger Woods. For shame. I guess it goes to show just how relevant Tiger is even when he hasn’t played in like 8 months. Although, I’m not ruling out the possibility of him just showing up to the par-3 contest next Wednesday outta the blue and then teeing off on Thursday with the rest of the guys. Call me the fan boy that I am but I could see it happening. Deep down I’m hoping that cover made him say, “Fuck it. I’m showing up at Augusta.” The biggest piece of evidence I have that he’s gonna show up at Augusta is that he hasn’t said he isn’t showing up at Augusta. Pretty much a lock.


And to answer SI’s question about what happened to Tiger. Two things happened. Injuries and Elin Nordegren happened.  Tiger’s body is a literal piece of garbage at this point.  Call it wear and tear, call it the stress he puts on his body when he swings so hard, call it steroids, call it whatever.  The fact of the matter is his body can barely do anything anymore. He’s had 400 back surgeries the last couple years. He shredded his ACL (and won a major on said shredded ACL). Whatever the cause, his body just can’t grind it out like it used to. And of course Elin happened. I’ve said this a trillion times. Tiger not winning any majors after Thanksgiving 2009 isn’t a coincidence. It isn’t happenstance. Elin got mad that he was urinating on porn stars, bashed his face with a 9-iron and fucked with his head. Should Tiger not have been urinating on porn stars as a married man? Probably not. But for Elin to pretend like she didn’t know it was happening is a joke. Tiger was a god. Gods piss on porn stars. That’s the world we live in. He’s still so fucked up from the Elin break up that he can’t compete like he used to*. Injuries plus that and he’s a shell of his former self.


*There’s a 4000% chance Elin and Tiger get back together at some point. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not within the next 5 years but it’s gonna happen. I would bet my life on it.