I Still Can't Get Over The Outfit My Drunk Uncle Chose To Wear For Easter Dinner

He caught me sniping this pic and instantly threatened to come down to the city and kick my ass if it ever saw the light of day in one of my “columns”. True story. And whoops.

Everyone’s got that one Uncle or cousin that is just a tad bit…off. Maybe there’s a screw loose. Maybe the elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. Or maybe they’re just drunken mess of fun. Well, my Uncle has been hitting for that Triple Crown for as long as I can remember. An overall great man who pisses where he pleases and hasn’t given a single fuck about anything since he Tim Riggins’d his cleats on the High School football field 40+ years ago. And I know willingly choosing this outfit for Easter dinner shouldn’t surprise me, but entire thought process is simply astonishing. From the mock turtleneck to the Christ approved sweats to the Nike coaches cleats to the drinking Spanish (por qué?) bulls shirt straight out of the Wal-Mart clearance bin. The entire ensemble is electrifyingly Uncle. Like it’s almost too perfect for a holiday dinner. But I guess that’s just the wild and crazy Uncle everyone’s got in their family, and ours is no different. Here’s a few of his greatest hits I’ve been recording over the past few years. NEED to get him on the podcast once it gets fired back up come NYC time.

PS – As the number of nieces increase for Uncle Smitty, this is becoming more apparent and sad every holiday. Damn women.