Cal Clutterbuck Jerked Off On The Florida Panthers Last Night

Following a minute and a half span late in last night’s game against Florida, in which the Isles eliminated a two goal deficit – Pascal Clutterbuck of Welland, Ontario swooped down from the heavens, blindly threw a backhander on net, and tossed one all over the Florida Panthers.

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Dawww skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet! Daw skeet skeet god damn!

Look, I’m not saying my man Cal was faking any sort of explicit motion that we here at Barstool certainly do not condone, but I’m not ruling it out as a possibility. Sometimes in big moments you need to find a way to release the built up pressure, and I don’t put Cal in the wrong like most of society will for his actions. Us who know what playing hockey at an elite level is like get it. I get, he gets it, Luongo gets it. It’s just a part of the game.

There’s no getting around the fact the first 40 minutes of last night’s game were horrendous but whatever happened between the 2nd and 3rd period needs to happen every night. It may have taken 40 minutes to get there but we saw this team firing on all cylinders for the final 20 last night.

Flying under the radar as one of the more ironic storylines of the year is the fact Capuano didn’t even talk to the team prior to their three goal 3rd period.

Que the molten hot takes from mainstream media about Capuano and whether or not the team needs him to win or that he isn’t motivating this team and yada yada. I get that head coaches are the bearer of all the burdens, but what Cap is forced to go through between these fans and the media almost has me feeling bad for the guy. Almost.

And now you take a few breaths, slug some water, get out there and do it again. Pittsburgh tonight.

connor is Barstool Sports’ Chief elite hockey Correspondent