Congratulations To Big Sexy For Being The Last Remaining Active Player To Have Played For The Montreal Expos
Cut 4- Last season, we told you about the most compelling race on earth. No, it’s not Billy Hamilton and Usain Bolt driving teams of dogs in the Iditarod (though we absolutely would watch that). It’s the race to be …the Last Expo Standing. As of last year, there were only two competitors left — Maicer Izturis, who played for Montreal in 2004, and Bartolo Colon, who was on the team in 2002. Colon has seven years on Izturis (he’s 42 to Iztursis’ 35), but guess what? He just won the race. From MLB.com’s Gregor Chisholm:
Big Sexy! Or as the French Canadians probably called him “Le Grand Sexy!” Another day, another great accomplishment for Bartolo Colon. Whether its breaking the Internet with the next classic GIF or continuing to chug along in the big leagues at the age of 42, there is truly nothing that Tolo can’t do. The man is a survivor. He may be lugging coffee beans with his trusted donkey sidekick Pancho or staring down the best hitters during the postseason, yet Bartolo stays as loose as a 10 cent hooker.
Jonah Keri has said that being the last active Expo would be like being the last last living member of the Flying Hellfish on The Simpsons. Son congrats to whatever the Expos version of the Hellfish Bonanza is, Big Sexy.
My favorite part of the whole Bartolo in Montreal story is how he ended up there. MLB owned the team and then-Expos GM Omar Minaya made a trade for Bartolo since the Expos were gripping to a spot in the playoff race. Tolo and Tim Drew were sent from the Indians to the Expos for Cliff Lee, Brandon Phillips, Grady Sizemore and Lee Stevens. Just one of the more ridiculous trades ever. I love looking at lopsided trade. Not quite sports porn but always entertaining. Like Joe Nathan, Francisco Liriano, and Boof Bonser (Hall of Fame name) for A.J. Pierzynski and cash. I hope the gold standard for lopsided trades is Noah Syndergaard and Travis d’Arnaud for R.A. Dickey. But anyway, Tolo for those guys is still CRAZY all those years later. Yet Big Sexy is still chugging along.
The weird thing about the Expos is that even though they were in the NL East, I never disliked them. Sure if there was a beanball war or tough loss, I’d be pissed. But you could not hate a team with these hats.
This mascot.
And Vlady fucking Guerrero. Strike zone from his nose to his toes with no batting gloves on.
Actually that’s not true. I kind of hate the Expos because Gary Carter went into the Hall of Fame with their hat on, even though it was probably the right move. Part of being a New Yorker is being irrational. But I am willing to squash the beef since we are all #SonsOfBigSexy.
So Rest In Peace, Expos. I assure you that Bartolo continues to represent baseball in a positive way.