Relive Last Night's 11 Round Shootout Between Ottawa And St. Louis In All Its Miserable Glory


Now before we get to the shootout itself, we first have to take a quick look at how we even got to that point. Because for a while, it looked like St. Louis had this one locked up in regulation and could still make their flight back home to the good ol’ US of A. But the Pesky Sens has nowhere to be any time soon so JG Pageau decided to fuck around and score with 0.1 seconds left on the clock to send this one into overtime.


JG Pageau kicking off March Madness the right way with a ridiculous buzzer beater. So now St. Louis has to reschedule their flight home because this game is going into overtime. And since 3-on-3 didn’t work out for either team, it was on to the shootout. Now if you’re at work and reading this post right now, I suggest you go to take a quick Shit Break. Because this one is going to take a while.

11 rounds. 22 shooters. And only 1 goddamn goal. This is absolute bullshit. MAKE THE GODDAMN NETS BIGGER AND MAKE THE GOALIES WEAR MYLEC STREET HOCKEY PADS! Aside from this Shattenkirk attempt that was denied by the Hamburglar, this was just a terrible display by both teams.


Lot of guys just losing the puck. A lot of guys just trying to shoot for 5-hole but getting stuffed. A lot of guys missing the net completely. It was pretty difficult to make it through the full 11 rounds with out vomiting on my sweater already, mom’s spaghetti. So here’s a quick solution to make sure the NHL never has this problem ever again. Same way the AL has the designated hitter, I think every team in the NHL should have one designated shootout guy. You saw how well it worked for Team USA with TJ Oshie. The Flyers already kind of have a guy like that in Sam Gagner. Just bring players like Linus Omark and Marek Malik back to the NHL and only use them when your team goes to a shootout. Pay them a standard rate and then add some bonuses in their contract per shootout goal scored. Did I just save the NHL shootout problem? Yes, I did. But I’m not here for the recognition and glory. I’m here for the kids.