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PFT Commenter: I'm Joining Barstool


A open letter:

Before anyone ever cared where I blogged, I was just a kid from the ProFootballTalk comment secton. Its where I learned how to give barrel fire sports takes, where i learned about the loose change video, and where I honed my abilty to make broad sweeping generalizations without reading the actual artcle about what Anotonio Cromartes latest child means in regards to how much I would pay in taxes if I made more money. Its where I found my voice & my passion.

The last four years have been magical as my internet comments have translated into my own blog, then guest contributor gigs at SB Nation & Kissing Suzy Kolber, and eventually my own radio show on Sirius XM- a sports talk show FOR MEN. I’ve interviewd Presidental canidates, hung out with Skip Bayless behind the scenes at ESPN, wrote a peer-reviewed scientific essay examining the many inextricable links between J.J. Watt and Nazi Germany, and broke Guy Feiris toilet. But I knew that as my contract with SB Nation expired, my unique perpsective as one of the worlds only straight, white, male sports bloggers was more necessary then ever in the corners of the internet where that type of voice had become marginalized the most- places like Barstool Sports.

Im not having a press conference or a party or patting myself on the back for the new gig. I’ll dirnk a few Mad Dog 2020s and snort some preworkout mix, but after this, it’s time to get back to work. No fuss no muss. Maybe a strippergram, hit the super tuesday polls to write in Lincoln Chaffee, light something on fire and buttfunnel a few rounds of rumplemintz, but very little cocaine. I’m a kid from humble beginnings & the idea of having a full-time job delivering sports takes is something Ive always dreamed of my entire lifelong-life for the last three years, but I’m going to act like Ive been there before even though I literally have not.

To those longtime reader’s of mine- aint nothing gonna change but the name of the website. Its called a URL, not a ME-RL and I take that very serously. Spefically, my weekly MMBM column is going to continue, plus you’ll also notice a increase in how many blogs I write. I’m about to unleash a series of take-quakes that are going to hit you like a bukake tsunami, so get a pair of goggles and nail down the dog.

For fans of my old radio show “The Steamroom” (RIP)- I’m also announcing a brand new podcast called “Pardon My Take” which will air every Monday, Wendesday, and Friday featuring myself and my good friend Big Cat, who has basicaly been recruiting me to join Barstool for the last 2 years to almost the point of harassment. You can subscribe here for a preview, and the first full epsode will air this Friday. It will be the best thing to happen to the spoken word since God dictated the Bible simultanousley to the entire council of Nicea.

This decison is not something I took lightly at all. SB Nation has been a wonderfull place for me to work and I owe alot to guys like Spencer Hall, Ryan Van Bibber, and all of the MMBM commenters, many of whom Im hoping will continue to read& love & hate my work here. . But I was eager for a challenge, and if humans never took risks wed all be having missionery sex and rooting for the Yankees.

Before I agreed to join Barstool I was concerned that some of my stronger takes might tarnish there previously impeccable reputation. But we agreed that in edition to my blogging duties, I would also serve as acting obmudsman to help open up the lines of communicaton between the outside world and Barstool. They’ve had there share of controversy not unlike just about every other single website outside of the BangBros network, and I want to try and adress any of these outside concerns, or at the very least pay patronizing lip service to them. So if theres anything that you read here & dont like, let me know and I’ll make sure to tell you why your wrong, and why it was actually a good thing in my weekly or semi-weekly or bi-weekly column. Unless your right, in which case I’ll probably just blame Hank or something. I’m told thats what we do around here.

For all the new readers- heres what your going to get with me: unapologetically strong takes all the time. I’m told alot of you are Patriots fans and if you dont like the fact that I firmly believe that Tom Brady is probably taking more drugs than Hitler, there’s the door. I also bring with me extensive experience as SB Nations Chief Poltical Correspondent where I have been covering the Republican and Democratic primaries, so if you dont like the preferential treatment I give to Donald Trump and Lincoln Chaffee, there’s the door. But if you can get over it and just accept the fact that me & you are going to butt heads, your going to probably repsect my workman-like mentalty being the first to log-in and last to log-out every day. Im installing a time-clock in my home office, and when the time comes to make the move up to New York with the rest’ve the crew, I plan on living in NorthEast Pennsylanvia and taking some sort of extremely polluting train into work to maintain my blue collar edge.

My workrate on this damn website is going to be like basically if John Kuhn and Edelman got each others moms pregnant and then had there children constantly giving each other organ transplants until one of them died & the other went on to live the rest of his life with a extreme sense of purpose to honor his former brother. That survivor is me. The internet is my canvass.

At Barstool, nothing is given. Every thing is earned.

Im ready to except the challenge.

Lets get to work.

-PFT Commenter