This Girl's Wedding Themed Tinder Bio Is A New Spin On The 'Something Borrowed, Something Blue' Expression

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See to me that’s the kind of killer instinct you want a girl you might eventually marry. I think with the divorce rate where it is, everyone owes the world this one thought: Would I be happy seeing this person’s face in my eventual wedding photos? No matter how things get bad in a relationship, those wedding photos are the apex, the moment where you were both theoretically at your happiest with her at the most beautiful she’ll ever look. A chick determined to be the hottest one in the room who’s so hot that other guys are cumming themselves over her while she’s in a gown? That’s a winning attitude and one you want on your side. Texas forever.

 

And hey so begins another week of Donald Trump’s favorite Tinder blog. Thanks to everyone who continue to send things in, please make sure to follow me on Twitter and DM me your screenshots (follow me on Snapchat too because I like it better), and now let’s get into our last Tinder blog of this festive Black History Month!

 

jc1

JC2

 

(via JC)

 

5w7DuEQ

Damn Danielmania sweeping the nation brother (via Daniel, perhaps unsurprisingly)

 

 

 

jeph-literallythemeanestthingimaginable

Literally the meanest thing imaginable, classic Broncos fan move (via Jeph)

 

 

MM-nailedit

Comparing yourself to Anna Kendrick is a bold move but I like it (via MM)

 

 

scully1

scully2-ilikethethickgirlvibesshehasgoinghere

I respect her positive pun-based thick girl attitude (via Scully)

 

 

MW-souhgotanythingyouwannatellusjeff

Your competition for the week might have a thing or two he’d like to talk about with someone (via MW)

 

 

 

SK-redplustitsequalsinstaswiperightforthisguy

Spags Swipe Tips: Always swipe right on red hair and big tits, you can never go wrong (via SK)

 

 

AK-idsayifanythingthisgirlneedsabiomorethananyone

I’d say if anything his girl needs a bio more than anyone else out there (via AK)

 

 

CMK-interndanawhogrewuptobeaconcertpianist

Intern Dana if she grew up training to be a classical concert pianist (via CMK)

 

 

EW-thisweekinpointlesstryhardbios

This week in pointless tryhard bios that no one paying attention would ever swipe right on (via EW)

 

 

 

DS-feminismwouldbemorepalatableiftheyalllookedlikethatimo

Feminism and witchcraft would be more palatable if they all looked like that imo (via DS)

 
 

 

amk1

amk2

This is the kind of MILF I assumed only existed in porn and American Pie (via AMK)

 

 

 

MN-ihavenoideawhereshesgoingwiththebiobuttits

I have no idea where she’s going with the bio but tits (via MN)

 

 

JS1

JS2-isthatasalariedjobormoreofafortheloveofthegamething

Is that a salaried job or more of a passion project thing? (via JS)

 

 

JR-oneofthosethingsthatsoundslikeagoodideauntilthesecondyoudroptheload

This is one of those things that seems like a good idea until you come back to your senses the second the load drops (via JR)

 

 

 

RS-nowthisisaspinonthatimonboardwith

Now this is a spin on that “Fuck your dad” bio that I’m on board with (via RS)

 

 

beerleaguer-youguysmightdisagreebutithinkifyourethathotyoudonthavetodoanal

You guys might disagree but I think if you’re that hot and busty I’m cool with keeping it vag and mouth exclusive, you can’t ride every ride in the amusement park (via Beer Leaguer)

 

 

 

BB1-taleoftwoprofilephotos

BB2

This is like a tale of two profile photos with this lady (via BB)

 

 

 

AB-twooutofthreeaintbad

Two out of three ain’t bad (via AB)

 

 

AP1

AP2-superclichebioandnoreadonthischicksbodybutstillkindahotright

Super cliche bio and no read on this chick’s body…but this is still kinda sexy right? I’m not crazy here? (via AP)

 

 

GR-downsideisyoudhavetocompetewiththatheterosexualdynamonexttoher

Downside of trying to date this Olympian is that you’d have to compete with that heterosexual dynamo next to her (via GR)

 

 

EB1

EB2-thisweeksleadingcontendertoemailmetellingmetotakethisdownbecauseherfriendswrotethebio

This week’s leading contender to email me asking to take this down “because her friends wrote the bio and she had nooooo clue at all” (via EB)

 

 

 

BS1-evenifyoureprettyconfidentinrapefantasyidontthinkyoucouldguessrapefantasy

BS2

Even if you’re confident the right answer is rape fantasy, I’m pretty sure it would be weird to message her about rape fantasies (via BS)

 

 

 

GG1

GG2-ifeelikesomeonetalkingaboutpokemonmustnotbethinkingofthesamethirdeyeiam

I feel like a mom talking about Pokemon is not likely to be thinking of the same “third eye” that I currently am (via GG)

 

 

 

AF-triflinasshoes

This is a horrifyingly brilliant scheme even if it only works 20 times (via AF)

 

 

 

JM-ifthatmeansstripperthatisamilliontimesbetterthanexoticdancer

If that job title means “stripper” that is a million times better than when they tried to make it sound legit by going with “exotic dancer” (via JM)

 

 

tiredguy-thisweeksreminderyoudfuckthecheeseoffthetrrannyontheleftmaybenottheoneontherightsorry

This week’s reminder you’d fuck the cheese off this tranny’s head…assuming she’s the one on the left, sorry Right (via Tired Guy)

 

 

rp-ialwaysfeellikeitswrongtofindachickwithafuckedupnamespellingattractivebuthereweare

I always feel like it’s bad business to find a chick with a fucked up spelling of a normal name attractive but here we are (via RP)

 

TJ1

TJ2

…okay now you’re just screwing with me (via TJ)

 

JJ-godireallyhopeonlyone

Depends on if she ate Mexican beforehand (via JJ)

 

 

KP-milffffff

21-year-olds continue to be the most confusing of MILFs to me, dick says yes but my brain says “Can you make one good choice once in your fucking life?”  (via KP)

 

 

creamy-bigtitsirrationalconfidenceonfulldisplayherethenickyoungofthegame

That big titted irrational confidence is on full display here, the Nick Young of it based on what I’m seeing (via Creamy)

 

 

BN-lifeisallabouttradeoffs

Life is all about tradeoffs and Sara is a woman who deserves sacrifice (via BN)

 

 

JM-reallynotmuchtothisbutiliketheprettypluscleavagecombo

There’s really not much to this but I just really appreciated this girl’s prettiness plus cleavage combo. UPDATE: Apparently this chick is a Bachelor finalist and I just inadvertently spoiled the show? Whoops (via JM)

 

 

a-veryhealhybio

So she’s taking the breakup well (via A)

 

 

 

NH-bold4amopeningtexts

Bold 4am opening texts but way better than when some chick on Bumble opens with “hey” or “Hiiiiiiii :)” (via NH)

 

 

 

DK-sorryforyourlossstlouis

Sorry for your loss, St Louis. Congrats on your gain, Bumble and LA (via DK)

 

 

 

J-seenthisbiobeforebutwiththeshortkidissuchashottotheheart

I’ve seen this bio before but with a short kid in the picture it really drives the point home (via J)

 

 

JK-comeonsomeonethroughcharliesmomfromalwayssunnysomepipe

Come on someone throw Charlie’s mom from Always Sunny some pipe (via JK)

 

 

 

MB

(via MB)

 

 

 

KP-saywhatyouwillbutfor63thatsnotttooshabby

Say what you will about the build here but for 63 that’s still pretty impressive (via KP)

 

 

 

AAM

All the girls who claim to be a “guy’s girl” should have to meet Bekah and spend two hours with her like a Scared Straight special (via AAM)

 

 

averageamericanmale1

averageamericanmale2

Sigh all the best ones are super religious and would probably hold a cross to my face while hissing if they met me and knew how I lived (via Average American Male)

 

 

 

BO-thisweeksreminderthatbumbleexcelsincheerleaderstvwomenandactressesfrommrrobot

This week’s reminder that Bumble excels in cheerleaders, TV women, and actresses from Mr Robot (via BO)

 

 

AB

(via AB)

 

 

And onto the hot and NSFWish ones…

 

 

creamy-youdhavetobeabigdickoryourdickwouldnevergetoutofthosetits

I agree with her size queening here, has to be a big dick or it would never find its way out of those. Dick looking like Lemmiwinks trying to find a path back to freedom (via Creamy)

 

 

RM-idontknowthatitrusta21yearoldtotakechargebutimwillingtolearn

I don’t know that I trust a 21-year-old attempting to take charge sexually but sometimes you’ve got to let go for the good of the team (via RM)

 

 

 

RL-hotnsfwthatisaswimsuitissuecaliberbody

This girl I assume is not a professional model since she has a real job but my God that is a Swimsuit Issue caliber body (via RL)

 

JB-iwouldliketobehersnapchatfriend

Based on this evidence I would like to be her Snapchat friend (via JB)

 

 

OC-virginamericabestinclassinsomanyways

Virgin America is really a best in class airline in so many ways (via OC)

 

 

 

jm-hotnsfw

Yeah Ephesians 4 is the dopest, totally agree (via JM)

 

 

RL-hotnsfw

(via RL)

 

 

dcm-icanguesswhichpartcontributedtheass

I can guess which part contributed the ass (via DCM)

 

 

 

MS-hotnsfw

That’s actually why so many basic girls love tweeting nonstop about McDonald’s, very popular pastime for a modern enlightened woman  (via MS)