TheGuardian- Spare a thought for the Catholics of St Louis, Missouri, weighed down as they are with ponderous spiritual matters. On top of such weighty issues as the pope’s recent call for an end to the death penalty – a popular pastime in Missouri – they must now wrestle with a new moral conundrum: Girl Scout cookies. The ethical dilemma is put pithily on the website of the archdiocese of St Louis under the headline: “Can I still buy Girl Scout cookies?” The equally punchy answer states: “Each person must act in accord with their conscience.” The spiritual crisis over the selling of Thin Mints, Trefoils and Do-si-dos on Catholic premises has been triggered by the archbishop of St Louis, Robert Carlson. In a letter circulated to the region’s priests and scout leaders, he questions whether the Girl Scout movement is spiritually in line with the teachings of the Catholic church.
In the letter, he questions whether Girl Scouts USA, the nationwide network with more than 2 million young female members, and its parent body, the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts, should be entrusted with the spiritual formation of its charges given the groups’ support for contraception and abortion. He also accuses them of promoting inappropriate role models such as the feminist writers Gloria Steinem and the late Betty Friedan, and of forging partnerships with human rights groups such as Amnesty International and Oxfam that advocate reproductive rights.
And just like that all of the hard work Cool Pope Franics has done unravels. Leave it to some stupid Catholic church in Missouri to screw everything up for Francis. Frank has done wonders for the Catholic church during his tenure. Basically accepting anybody and everybody with open arms. Making the church more modern and hoping people forget about the whole sexually assaulting small children thing. And we almost did. They were so close to their goal. Then this rogue priest in Missouri fucked it all up. He did the unthinkable and went against Girl Scout Cookies. You know, the one thing in the world that everyone loves. Basically saying you’re going to hell if you sell them or eat them. The only thing crazier than going up against The Church is going up against Girl Scout Cookies. GSC are an unstoppable force. Might as well say you hate breathing air or drinking water. If anybody out there had one foot out the door on Catholicism, this just caused them to sprint out the door. Good going, Missouri priest. I expect the Pope to refute these claims immediately.
Girl Scout Cookie Rankings:
1. I will eat all of them. Just give me any box. I do not care.