Mookie Betts "Accidentally Rolled" A Golf Cart Into A Pond
Mookie Betts is to playing baseball as Mookie Betts is to bowling. Hanley Ramirez is to playing first base as Mookie Betts is to driving golf carts.
If the Red Sox win the World Series this year, I can honestly see this being a new tradition. Every spring, Mookie Betts, Travis Shaw, Deven Marrero and Pat Light can get together, and Mookie can drive a golf cart into a pond. It’s metaphorical. It’s almost like a viking funeral, but instead of shooting flaming arrows at a boat on the water, they can just sink a golf cart in the middle of a pond. It’s how they let go of last season, and start to look forward to the next one. It’s beautiful and poetic, really.
But Mookie’s gotta own this here. If Marrero is going with the hashtag #mookcantdrive, and Shaw goes with the caption “When Mookie drives”, and YOUR OWN CAPTION was “Yea no more driving for me” then don’t tell me you didn’t drive this golf cart into the pond. If you REALLY didn’t drive it into the pond when everyone else who was there, including yourself, said that you did, then I’m going to need an explanation for how this actually went down. “It rolled in there” sounds like something that a kid would say after they got caught red-handed by their parents, and are throwing up a Hail Mary excuse to avoid getting their Xbox taken away for a week.
PS – How about Zolak giving Mookie shit for this? If Gronk did this, he would be laughing his ass off. Unreal.
GET ‘EM, MOOKIE! HIT ‘EM WITH THE MEAN MUG! ZO CAN’T HANDLE IT!
PPS – If they actually did do it on purpose, then they really committed to making it look like an accident by leaving their cellphones in the golf cart.