Jenrry Mejia Tests Positive For PEDs For A Third Fucking Time And Receives A Permanent Suspension From Baseball
Well we finally have the answer to the age old question “Does anybody love anything more than Derek Fisher loves (allegedly) hooking up with other people’s girls”? The answer is Yes. Jenrry Mejia loves PEDs more than anyone loves anything in the world. More than Snoop loves weed. More than I love junk food. More than the Wilpons love not spending money.
So we have our first player to get suspended for life under the steroid rules. Even when things seem to be going well, you can always count on the Mets to make history in a bad way. The worst part about all of this is that Mejia had a dream job. Being a middle of the bullpen relief pitcher on a team with great starting pitching and (what should be) a good backend to the bullpen. Just collect a paycheck, throw a few good innings along with a few shitty innings, listen to Big Sexy tell stories and rip farts on his off days, all while getting a free seat on a ride to the 2016 World Series championship. Nope, instead Jenrry wanted that Boldenone. NEEDED that Boldenone. You ever seen the back of a twenty dollar bill on BOLDENONE?!?! Oh, there’s some crazy shit, man. There’s a dude in the bushes. Has he got a gun? I dunno! Red team go! Red team go!
And not for nothing, but Mejia’s career was doomed to go down the toilet the minute he cut that mop. You do not anger the hair gods and get away with it. Or take a shitload of steroids as a Major League Baseball player in 2016 and get away with it. Tomayto, tomahto.
But you know who has to be thrilled? The Fun Police, led by Sheriff McCann. Because we won’t be seeing any Oh Jenrry Stomps anytime soon, unless it’s in a bodybuilding competition.
And to be honest, I’m not the most upset person in the world either. Mejia was probably going to suck anyway. And as someone that writes about the Mets, spelling Jenrry Mejia was always a journey. Sometimes I would write Jennry. Sometimes Meijia. Even though they weren’t Mets, I could never quite nail down Pettite or Teixeira. And those guys won rings. Having to constantly double check myself in Google to make sure I spelt the name right of some guy that was never all that good always pissed me off. See you later, Jenrry. You dumb fuck.