The FaceTime is a plague to society. I don’t know when the trend started, but I’m here to end it. Over the last, let’s say, year I’ve noticed more and more FaceTimes received on my phone, with each one getting a scowl and an ignore. What is the point of this horrible feature?
In particular, it’s the females who do it. Men tend to understand the rules of friendship more clearly, in my experience. If you call me, we’re not friends. If we talk often, we’re not friends. If I haven’t seen your penis, we’re not friends. Normal stuff like that. The guidelines for male friendship are very clearly laid out, and often followed. We go out for beers on the weekend, we don’t call on a Tuesday to just chat.
But women? They spit at these rules. All times of the night, on any day, they think it’s perfectly acceptable to FaceTime. One o’clock in the afternoon? Heyyyy what are you doing? Two in the morning? Woooo I’m soo drunk! (Though even I will admit, that last one can be a blessing on occasion. The visual aspect allows you to play a fun game of, “Is she ready to go or is she just going to come over and pass out/would this be a crime?” Horrible features like FaceTime still can have plus sides.)
The whole idea of it is just silly. It’s a phone call, but more inconvenient. Why do you want to look at me? I don’t want to look at myself. The anxiety of a ringing phone is horrible and it’s far worse with a FaceTime. When you get a phone call, all you think is “Ugh, I have to fucking talk,” but a FaceTime is a list of chores. Put on clothes, fix my hair, find an angle and lighting that doesn’t highlight my double chin/huge nose/dead eyes, pay attention because they can see you drifting, etc, etc. It’s a whole day’s worth of activities just to talk nonsense with someone you stopped liking the second they FaceTimed you.
The worst part of the FaceTime is the fact that it’s more than a call, it’s an even. An interactive experience. They can’t just say “I’m with so and so,” they need to run around the room and show you everyone they’re with and give you a tour of their location. Of course, while doing this the phone is held with the stability of a ship tumbling about in the high seas.
For months, people have been too scared to speak up and tell chicks to knock it off. They’ve rolled their eyes but have been to afraid to speak their mind. But I am finally here to say ladies, cut the shit. The entire thing is a nuisance to everyone within earshot. FaceTime is bullshit and will be tolerated no longer.