Yahoo- Louisiana has drive-thru windows for daiquiris and beer — so why not for repentance too? That’s right, a New Orleans-area Methodist church offered its faithful “drive-thru ashes” for Ash Wednesday, the first day of the Lent holy season. Munholland United Methodist Church invited its members and others to swing by Wednesday morning to receive ashes on their foreheads, participate in prayer or speak with a minister. “Come to the parking lot on Metairie Road, stay in your car, and take part,” the church advertised on its website.
There was a line of cars when a photographer from local news station WVUE-TV stopped by early Wednesday. WVUE-TV photos showed a minister standing in a parking lot with a plate of ash, waiting for drivers in SUVs and sedans to wheel up to have crosses marked on their foreheads. The church said the morning motor ministry “provides the opportunity to participate in that tradition for people who have no church home, do not have time to go to a traditional service or who are mobility challenged.”
This is it folks. This is the peak of religious stupidity. Waiting in line, in your car, in a parking lot, so that you can just roll down the window and get some shit smeared on your forehead, and THEN actually thinking that means something and you’re living your life the holy and righteous way. Absolutely preposterous. If you do this and think that you’re somehow a better person than the next guy who doesn’t go to church or doesn’t get ashes, you’re simply an asshole.
I mean as much as I don’t buy into these customs in the literal sense, I can at least appreciate the meaning behind it. Like if you go to mass and the words of the gospel and the symbolism of the ashes really resonates with you, then God bless ya. It’s not my scene, but go ahead, do you. But if you’re one of these phony baloney Catholics getting Ashes To Go, then there’s just no denying you’re an idiot doing it for attention. There’s no explanation for doing this other than wanting attention and trying to show people you’re religious. That’s not how this works, dickheads. You don’t get to eat some Wheat Thins and say you received the body of Christ. You don’t get to slug some wine out of the liquor cabinet and say you received the sacrament. You can’t drive to the parking lot of church and be like “yea, hi, can I get a profound sense of mortality, some absolution, a side of Christ’s protection and some extra strength to persevere?” “Sure, pull up to the next window!” You don’t get to just say all the bad shit you did out loud and say “sorry” and everything is forgiven. Actually that last part isn’t true, that’s kind of exactly how it works. But the rest of that shit is cheating. You don’t get to jump on your high horse and act like you’re better than everyone else if someone in a parking lot smushed dirt on your head. At the very least you gotta suffer through an hour of boredom to earn the right to parade those ashes around like you’re one of Christ’s disciples.