Sports Illustrated Unveils Their New "Curvy" Swimsuit Model, Ashley Graham

Two important things on this matter. First, Ashley Graham is not “curvy.” Curvy just means a big ass and tits. Beyonce is curvy. Kim Kardashian is curvy. J Lo is curvy. Come to think of it, to be curvy you need to have a big ass and tits, plus be a little exotic. Corn fed white girls from Nebraska aren’t curvy, they’re big. Ashley Graham is a big girl.

Secondly, that’s fine. Ashley Graham is a fucking sexy big girl. They’re kind of like unicorns, sexy big girls, and are almost never seen in the wild. Some claim they don’t even exist, but Ashley Graham is certainly one. So I’ve got no problem with Ashley getting a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, good for her. When you find a unicorn you take pictures and display it to the world in order to prove they’re existence and show their beauty. Ms. Graham may not be “curvy,” by my definition at least, but she could certainly get it. I don’t understand how the physics work with a little dicked man having sex with a big woman, it may not be possible, but I’d be willing to give it a try if she’d have me.

Note: she would not have me.