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Super Bowl Commercial Showdown - Opioid Constipation vs Irritable Bowel Syndrome With Diarrhea

Opioid Constipation:

VS.

Big time Diarrhea

 

What did I learn from the Super Bowl? Great defense beats great offense. Cam Newton is a chicken. And apparently America has tons of problems shitting. Either they cant poop at all or they’re pooping too much, and the pharmaceutical companies are willing to spend millions to get you to take their drugs to fix it.

Taking so much medication that you cant shit? Here! Come to our website to find some more medication! That will fix it.

Shitting so much that your intestines are knotted up in a ball like this little fella?

Screen Shot 2016-02-08 at 9.55.05 AM

Take our medication! That will fix it!

I love how the constipation commercial isnt even for a specific medicine. Its just raising awareness that if you take narcotics, you aint gonna shit. Paid for by the Advocates for People Regularly Pooping. Its like when you see the commercials for “Avocados…from Mexico!” Its not a specific brand or anything. Just a commercial about a fruit, in general. Same thing with OIC. Just letting everybody know that if you take too many pain killers you might not shit normal and they’re doing it to the tune of $166,666 per second.

Is just one of those moments where you watch a commercial like these and you take a minute to thank the good lord for making you an American. You’re watching football. You’re stuffed to the brim with wings, pigs in a blanket, and salsa mixed with cheese you cooked in a microwave. You’re watching millionaires attempt to murder each other for your entertainment. And no matter what sort of trouble you’re having shitting – too little or too much – the pharma industry has you covered. From sea to shining sea, bitches. God bless this great land.

PS – The mascot for opiate constipation should be the little dude with the jumbled up intestines. That guy looks like hes never gonna shit again. Missed opportunity for the Advocates for People Regularly Pooping.