Marco Rubio Wants To Make One Thing Clear: He Is No Jesus Christ

I heard this shit last night and I swear my eyes almost rolled into the back of my head, but I also began convulsing with laughter. I guess what I’m saying is Marco Rubio’s Jesus response was so absurd that it put the devil in me and made me look like I needed an exorcism.

I mean, you know what he was talking about, dude. You posed for the cover.

The pandering there was maybe the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. Country songs don’t pander that hard. Athletes who say, “Oh no, I’m no hero. The real heroes are overseas,” don’t go as over the top as you just did. Yeah guys, we get it, when we said hero we obviously didn’t mean you were a soldier fighting for American lives, we meant you made a nice catch. And Marco, when I said you were the “Republican Savior,” I didn’t mean you were gonna walk on water, fuck whores, and make the blind see… I meant there’s a democrat in office and you could take his seat. Get out of here with the “Do you have time to talk about our lord and savior” nonsense, you’re on a debate stage on national television, you didn’t ride your bike to my front door.

Shouts to Team Rubio for being unable to understand sarcasm, though. What a wonderful life that must be.

“Oh Marco, what a GREATTTT job,  seriously SUCH an amazing answer.”

“Thank you, appreciate your kind words.”

PS – They also had YouTube stars asking some questions and when they said they were going to one in LA my heart skipped a beat, as I thought it was going to be Jenna Marbles. It ended up being Dulce Candy. I have no idea who that is, but I loved Jeb starting his response with calling her beautiful. Suave as a mother. Almost made up for him calling it “the YouTube.”