How About Susquehanna University Pointing The FBI In My Direction Cause They Received Threatening Phone Calls About The Crusader Nickname Change?


So, as you all know, those PC Pussies at my alma-mater Susquehanna University have decided to change their longstanding and non-offensive nickname of Crusaders. As a Alumni who wore the freaking awesome Lutheran Cross S letter on his football helmet for 4 years and 12 wins (a solid 4 victories in 20 games when I actually played), I expressed my opinion here at Barstool:

I’m Beyond Outraged My Alma Mater, Susquehanna University, Has Decided To Change It’s Name From Crusaders Solely Because Somebody “Might Get Offended”

Most people who can, you know, process rational thoughts basically agreed with my overall sentiment. That was in late October of 2015. In early January of this year, Susquehanna provided the final nicknames that will be voted on including the amazingly intimidating River Otters, Phoenix, and Explorers. We blogged it again, of course, and that was that. However, someone decided to make threatening phone calls to Susquehanna regarding the nickname change that were classified as terroristic threats. Not cool, and SU decided it was serious enough to bring in the FBI to investigate.

On Friday, I get this text from one of my best friends who is a NCAA football coach and knows basically anyone and everyone in the college ranks:


Are. You. Shitting. Me. OK, Susquehanna. I suppose all the money and ACL’s I’ve given to you during my time there wasn’t enough for me to express my opinion on a freaking blog. Just to throw it out there right away – NO I DID NOT MAKE THOSE THREATENING PHONE CALLS AND HAVE NO IDEA WHO DID.

However, if you want to put some heat on me, go fucking nuts. So you think you can get the FBI on my tail? Good luck. I’m already ten steps ahead of all you River Otter motherfuckers. You don’t evade the NJ State Police for 8+ years for “accidentally” starting a fire in Wawa without learning a thing or two on the run. #SmittyTheOutlaw is more elusive than Dillinger in his prime (well, before he was caught and killed). If I have to Richard Kimble it on the run till I can prove my innocence, bring it. I didn’t kill my wife and I didn’t make those phone calls. THE OUTLAW IS BACK, BABY.

PS – I am absolutely SHOOK that the FBI is monitoring all of my emails, texts, transactions, webcams – The works. I can’t jerk off in peace without going in the shower and turning the lights off. The freaking gov’t and their rights to invade privacy, man. It’s Alec Baldwin in The Departed’s wet dream. PATRIOT ACT!

PPS – I threw something on Twitter when I got that info on Friday and it put my father in a tizzy. As if the poor man isn’t worried enough about his beloved Eagles pissing on his soul. The last thing his weak heart needs is the Feds coming to his doorstep cause his stupid blogger kid is running his mouth over a freaking River Otter nickname change.