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Tribeca Hipster Cross Country Skiing Through The Snow With His Kid Strapped To His Back

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I think this is it, folks. I think this is the one. I’ve found him. The biggest asshole on earth. This dude takes all of the worst things in the world and combines them. He’s like a marathon hardo, but worse. Cross Country Skiing is like the marathon nonsense but on steroids. If you take the time to put on boots and strap into skis just so slide around this god awful city, I hate your guts. Hes also the outdoorsy type. If you get hit with a blizzard and you do anything other than stuff your face with junk food and get drunk or high and watch movies in your pajamas all day, I hate you. Like if you go snowboarding with a car towing you, hate you. You go for a hike in the winter weather, I hate you. Indoors for life, and certainly during a blizzard.

And then the third piece here is the X Factor. The Holy Trinity of Asshole. He’s one of these people who brings his kid along to everything he does. Now listen as a new Dad my stance on this has changed. I used to be a pretty annoying asshole being like “Why would you bring your kid to the bar! Why you would bring your kid to a restaurant!” I’ve since learned that when you havent gone anywhere or done anything or had any interaction with anything other than your kid for like 5 straight days, you gotta get some normalcy back. Gotta go grab a burger and a beer because otherwise theres a chance theres a murder/suicide in your house. So sorry I gotta roll my stroller up in here and I realize its probably weird when youre trying to do normal things at a bar and I got my newborn next to you, but just remember me being there is preventing tragedy.

But there are some things you just cant do with your kid. You dont get to just keep doing all your favorite things in life. You dont get to go fucking cross country skiing when you got a small child to take care of. At some point you gotta be like “Well, I decided to pro create, so I cant go cross country skiing with my kid strapped to my back like a piece of furniture. I need to stay in and let my kid live a normal life.” Or you do take your kid out, but you go sledding or have a snow ball fight or some shit. You dont get to do your weird ass hardo cardio – hardio – with your kid dangling behind you.