So These Women Who Claim They've Had Amazing Alien Sex That Produced Hybrid Babies Are Tainted Goods, Right?

DM - A group of women in the US claim to have children fathered by aliens – and describe their sexual encounters with extra-terrestrials as the ‘best they’ve ever had’. Bridget Nielson, from Sedona, Arizona, and Aluna Verse, from Los Angeles, California, are among members of the ‘Hybrid Baby Community’ who believe their children live on giant alien spaceships. The pair claim that between them, they have 13 children with aliens – and that the conceptions happen either through artificial insemination or real sexual encounters. Nielson, 27, said the sex was the ‘best ever’ and that thousands of women around the world are missing out on such experiences because they don’t realise they have had hybrid children. Recalling a sexual encounter with an alien on board a spaceship, Nielson said: ‘It was great. It was an incredible super primal, super raw, super primal sexual experience. ‘There was a really freedom and we were really going for it. It was the best sex I ever had.’

I’m not saying they’re off limits to the human race from a clinically insane standpoint. I know it’s healthier to stick your dick in a toaster than in crazy, but if a woman is good looking enough there’s no level of batshit that can deter a man from the box. A dog’s gotta eat and if it’s a choice between your average ACME T-Bone or Filet from Del Frisco’s that has a slight chance of getting you sick, it’s a no-brainer I’m rolling the dice with E-Coli. All I’m saying is once a chick finds themselves stuffed out by an Alien species and says it’s the “Best sex they’ve ever had” – Checkmate.

You can’t win no matter what. Look at yourself. You’re probably an average, kind of in shape dude with a decent job/education and a hammer that may not look like much but still hits the nails on the head (some of the time). Do you think you can follow in the footsteps of a brilliant intergalactic sex symbol that’s easily packing the most evolutionary heat in the galaxy? Not even Leo, Beckham, or John Hangin’ Low Hamm could compete with the likes of these things. That’s not even mentioning the jealousy factor. I once dated a girl who said her ex rocked a sculpted six pack and had a “Decent job with a future”. Game over. There’s just no way I could compare to that level of success. I’d always be fighting the good fight but it would never be good enough. If I can’t handle that then there’s zero chance my jealousy would stay in check dating a chick who claims getting rocked out by Sam Cassell was the most amazing sex ever.

The weirdest part, they actually enjoyed getting raped by Reptilians? I used to do a stand up bit asking “Who would you rather go out with a girl who’s slept with over 1,000 men? – OR – a chick that has banged just one animal. Your answer’s gonna tell a lot about who you are.” Well, I’ll tell ya what, if these broads have zero issue with getting stuffed by ET, I’d rock hard money horses would be the next venture into the unknown. Can’t trust a bitch who’s that into interspecies spanking. Can’t. Won’t.