The Top 10 Athletes Everyone Likes
Cardinals-Packers wasn’t just the early frontrunner for the most entertaining game of the 2016 NFL playoffs , but it probably is going to go toe-to-toe with Clemson-Alabama for the most entertaining sports game of the entire year. It was that good. But while I was watching it, I noticed something almost as remarkable as across-the-body Aaron Rodgers throws, coin flips that didn’t flip, and Bruce Arians fashion sense: every single person I watched that game with was happy for Larry Fitzgerald. Seriously, Packers fans and Packers bettors alike, every single person I talked to who suffered at the hands of that overtime loss went “Well if we were going to lose to one guy, might as well be him.” NO ONE hates Larry Fitzgerald. Who else is like that? Who else is completely simpatico with the entire sports universe, despite this era of rivalries and polarization that we live in? I thought of ten people, and presented them there in no particular order. The Ten Least Hateable Athletes In Sports Today:
10. Kevin Durant
From a PR standpoint, Kevin Durant is the Ying to Lebron James, the most polarizing athlete of our lifetime’s Yang. In today’s debate-centric sports discourse, Durant is appraised by just about everybody for exactly what he is: great teammate, deadly scorer, crunchtime assassin. KD being in small-town OKC’s market minimizes the emotion we feel for him, so we are able to appreciate him purely as a talent instead of view him as an adversary. Seriously, do you know anybody from Oklahoma City? Or know anybody who knows anybody from Oklahoma City? Does Oklahoma City exist? Are there any horse socks?
9. Larry Fitzgerald
As my fearless leader Kevin Clancy put it on the Rundown Monday, I think everyone is rooting for Larry Fitz to get his ring. He’s been the picture perfect role model since his U of Pittsburgh days, and always seems to get thiiiiiis close then DENIED the hardware that he has deserve to take home his entire career, from Lombardi to Heisman. No one disputes his otherworldly ability or stand-up guy persona, but the historical validation of a trophy would still be nice for all of us who have rooted for him his entire career.
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8. Mike Trout
If you don’t like Mike Trout, you don’t like baseball.
7. Jonathan Toews
Hockey Derek Jeter. Toews is one of the rare athletes who is universally respected, universally admired, and universally beloved. Even if you hate the Blackhawks and/or their fans, you can’t deny the greatness of Toews or him being a consummate professional. Every team in the National Hockey League would benefit from having Jonathan Toews on their roster.
6. Carson Palmer
Palmer is a sneaky one. You wouldn’t think of Carson Palmer as someone who everyone roots for, but when I think about it, every football fan I know roots for him. He is ultimate example of someone who could have had a no-doubt-about-it Hall of Fame career but was a victim of circumstance; even his biggest detractor would admit that there is NO WAY he should have waited until he was 36 for his first career playoff win. But he was stuck on so many godawful Bengals and Raiders teams, he didn’t even scratch the bottom of the underbelly of the depths of his career surface. And now he’s on the brink of retirement and what does he have to show for it, except for millions of dollars and being able to make a living doing all of our dream jobs and a Heisman trophy and bedding a million smokeshows from USC. The poor bastard.
5. JJ Watt
Just kidding, fuck him.
5. Kristaps Porzingis
Kristaps has “universally beloved” status right now, but I’m sure that will eventually evaporate since he’s from New York and people hate New York superstars even if they’re entertaining and awesome (see in the dictionary: Beckham, Odell). Kristaps is the beneficiary of the Steve Nash Effect: He’s white, different and weird so fans are immediately drawn to him. I look forward to overrating him and thinking he’ll deliver the Knicks championship I’ve been waiting on my entire life for the rest of his career.
4. Andrew McCutchen
3. Steph Curry
Steph Curry makes professional sports seem somewhat attainable. He has the face of a Toyota salesman and the build of an accountant. He plays with the type of effortless ease of a gliding bird. But somehow, he is the most dominant offensive force since Shaquille O’Neal with less than 3 fouls and the sweetest shot stroke any of us have ever seen. If the Warriors are on TV, you are tuning in, and your eyes aren’t leaving that racially ambiguous wunderkid for a goddamn second.
2. Pavel Datsyuk
Pavel Datsyuk being able to be Russian and still not be absolutely hated by Don Cherry disciple Canadians or American hockey fans might be a more amazing feat than the begrudging respect Bill Clinton has earned from Republicans. Datsyuk can give your team highlight goals, play shutdown defense, win a shootout, or juggle skates if you asked him too. Hardly anybody can imagine the Red Wings, or the NHL for that matter, without him, and no self-respecting hockey fan won’t miss him when he’s gone.
1. Gronk
Robert Gronkowski is like a cartoon character of a football player in a Disney series about a high school. By all indications, he has the earnestness, sexual drive, sincerity, and emotional maturity of a 6th grader (that’s supposed to be a compliment by the way). All Gronk wants to do is 69, drink, headbutt his friends, and play football. And when it comes down to it, isn’t that kinda what we all want deep down? As basic white girls on Twitter would say, if you can’t have me at my Brandon Marshall, you don’t deserve me at my Gronk. It speaks to Gronk’s likability that he is on the most universally reviled team on the NFL, and still as loved as he is. If he were on your team, he’d be your favorite player of all time.
Tell me who I missed/if you liked the blog/to kill myself on Twitter at @CharlieWisco .