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Rate This Dude's Boston Sports Tattoo (It's His Entire Body. His Entire Body Is A Boston Sports Tattoo)

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(Boston) “I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. This is kind of my thing.” His name is Gary Gootman, and one look shows that the “thing” he refers to is covering himself with tattoos—many of which are of Boston sports icons. He has an estimated 700 hours logged in the parlor chair, muraling himself with detailed portraits of Tom Brady, David Ortiz, and Red Auerbach. He loves Boston. He was born in Brockton, he has fond memories of watching some of his sports heroes growing up, and he attends multiple Patriots games every season. But Gootman’s Patriot pride is particularly interesting, considering he has lived in Dallas for more than two decades now. “I used to be a lot heavier,” Gootman said. “I weighed over 300 pounds. Losing all that weight and exercising all the time kind of changed my confidence. I wanted to live to see my daughters grow up. It was around that time I started getting more tattoos.” By 2013, Gootman was hitting the gym at 4 o’clock each morning and spending about five or six hours every Tuesday getting tattoo work done by his artist, Daryl Distler. It built him into the inked-up muscleman that he is today, but don’t let his intimidating exterior steer you wrong–every piece of artwork on his body comes from a place in his heart, especially those tattoos that honor his family.


Let me first say that some of those tattoos are actually pretty well done and cool. Pretty much everything on the back is a good tattoo. Legend and Red, Teddy Ballgame, Papi? Those are all well done tattoos and look pretty cool.


NOW, having said my one nice thing for the day, Gary Gootman can get out of my face thumbing his nose at me with all this “I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I work out and get tattoos,” nonsense. Listen here, bubba, don’t pretend you’re some picture of health and normality. You don’t abstain from vices simply to lift weights, eat veggies and drink protein shakes. Your addiction is crazier and more debilitating than mine. Sure, I’ll have a drink or ten on occasion, maybe indulge in the occasional tobacco product because I support American farmers. I may not “exercise” or “take care of my body,” but neither do you. That shit is terrifying. I may have a B-cup, a beer gut, and be pretty goddamn low on the “Girls would fuck this guy” totem pole, but you know whose shoulders I’m standing on? The dude permanently covered head to toe in Boston nostalgia. So don’t come at me with this I’m a normal guy doing normal things, you Zach Galifinakis loving kook.


Oh and don’t think I didn’t notice how you’ve got the black guys (Pierce and Papi) on one arm and the white guys (Youk and Bruschi) on the other. Separate but equal was abolished in ’54, my friend. Even in Texas.


1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (154 votes, average: 6.48 out of 10)