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Late Night Letter


Paris writes Kim.

Dear Kim,

As I’m sure you’re not aware, a football team from St. Louis is coming to Los Angeles. It’s professional and called Rams. FYI this is my new favorite team so… FYI don’t make it yours. The only reason I even bring it up is because sometimes I remember how I was famous, and then after, you were famous. Or like how I was on a reality show and then, after, you were on a reality show. Or like how I did you-know-what on videotape and then, after, you did you-know-what on a videotape with a black guy.

Also, don’t even try to do a wikipedia and then tell me I’m a hypocrite because our new coach is fisher. If you knew SPORTS you would know he is catch and release and that I’m a well-known animal lover of all animals even water breathers. Also, Stan Kroenke is a close family friend and he is the owner of the team, which is higher than coach. He told my dad that I will probably be the star of his new reality show Hard Nocks.

Anyway, I hope that you don’t try to argue about this because if you’re a good person then your attention will be focused on the poor people of St. Louis who had their team taken and are poor. I literally had tears when I thought of the good people who lost something they loved. Nelly, Chingy, and Murphy Lee are good guys who deserve better. They are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope they will be in your thoughts because I doubt you pray.

And for the record, I’m dictating this whole script to my assistant. Do you remember when you were my assistant? I do.