Philly Monk Getting Robbed And Ragdolled While Buying Lotto Tickets Has Me All Sorts Of Confused

PHILADELPHIA — Authorities say a Buddhist monk chased and grabbed a man who had stolen his wallet at a South Philadelphia gas station. The Philadelphia Daily News reports that the 61-year-old victim, dressed in an orange robe, was accosted while he was at a lottery machine at the gas station on Jan. 3. A police spokeswoman confirmed that he is a Buddhist monk. Surveillance video posted by police shows another man grabbing the monk’s wallet and running out of the store, and the victim struggling with him outside before being pushed to the ground.

Hold the phones: There are Buddhist Monks in Philly? Buddhist Monks are allowed to gamble? Buddhist Monkeys carry around money, let alone $350? People assume Buddhist Monks have enough straight cash homie on them to warrant a robbery? So many questions, so little time. And what the hell is he going to do with my $1.4 billion if he wins? I guess Nirvana can be achieved by finder inner peace AND copious amounts of hookers and blow. Guess it’s worth a shot, you know, for the soul.