Tom Brady Has Never Tried Coffee, Proving Once And For All That It's For Suckers Editors Note: Feitleberg is Stupid
(Source) — Dunkin’ Donuts has given away free coffee after every Patriots win this season. But in an ironic twist, the man who’s most responsible for filling New Englanders up with a free cup of joe this fall and winter says he’s never tried it himself. Tom Brady revealed in his weekly interview with WEEI’s Dennis & Callahan Monday he’s never taken a sip of coffee—even when he was a kid, long before he hooked up with body guru Alex Guerrero and started practicing his notoriously meticulous diet. “I never had any coffee or anything like that. I just never tried it,” Brady said.
Welp, it’s now 100% official: coffee is the biggest sucker thing going. If you need to drink coffee then you’re a loser, that’s just a fact. Tom Brady just proved it. I know we’ve got a bunch of coffee guys on staff, I know Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts have the whole world brainwashed, but I’m absolutely right here. Coffee is worthless. I cannot stand the “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my morning coffee” crowd. You’re an adult, just be fucking awake. Seriously, how hard is that? Be awake. Do work. It’s truly mind boggling that people need this special sustenance just to function. But I guess that’s the plight of the lesser man, the need for performance enhancers. Guys like me and Tom? We just hop out of bed and are awesome. You keep your coffee, we’re perfect as is.
Editors Note: Feitleberg is stupid. Listen nothing should surprise us anymore when it comes to Tom Brady’s diet or nutrition. If I stopped drinking coffee I’d just shrivel up and die. Like we plan on having a gumball machine full of Adderall at our office in NY nevermind coffee. The more wired the better. But I guess that’s why Brady’s gonna play until he’s 60. He’s not even human.So unless you’re the greatest QB who ever lived and part human/part Greek God don’t compare yourself to TB12. Normal people drink coffee. Pussies don’t. In fact I may order Feitleberg to start drinking coffee. Maybe then he’ll show up at the office on Mondays.