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The NHL Was All One Big Blooper Reel Yesterday


The year is 2016 and hockey players still haven’t been able to figure out water bottles yet. Jason Spezza is the latest to fall victim to one of those pesky bastards thus finally replacing Dustin Brown as the poster boy for dumbasses.

There were 10 NHL games played yesterday and for some reason or another, there was an exceptionally high number of “WTF” moments in all of the action. Maybe because the boys just wanted to get weird on a Saturday or maybe because Mercury is in retrograde, who knows (Disclaimer: I don’t know what Mercury being in retrogade means but if you’ve talked to any girl in the past few hours, chances are they’ve said something about it). So since it’s Sunday and I’m sure we could all use a few cheap laughs before the hangover turns into the full fledged Sunday Scaries, let’s relive all of the Not Top 10 moments from yesterday in hockey.

Not So Quick Decision Making

I fully empathize with Alex Pietrangelo here. Kind of like when you finally work up the balls to go talk to that hot girl at the bar and all you want is to maybe get her number but she and her bitchy hot friends decided to throw a level 10 force shield up immediately upon arrival. Pietrangelo and the Blues would end up getting the last laugh though after taking down the Kings in overtime. Jonathan Quick, who has never once lost his cool before, didn’t seem too pleased with the result.

The Toronto Maple Leafs Are Actively Tanking For Auston Matthews

Just a BRUTAL change on the power play, on almost a week until MLK Jr Day no less. Really great call on this one, Toronto. All 5 guys decide to bail on a power play, give up a shorthanded 2-on-0, end up losing the game 7-0. Just how they drew it up. When you have prospects like William Nylander and Mitch Marner and Dmytro Timashov set to come up within the next year or so, it’s easy to get greedy and want to pick up the 1st overall pick in this year’s draft as well. But at least make it a little less obvious next time. For as bad as Toronto played this game, that’s how good Brent Burns looked off the ice. Just stuffing Mugatu in a locker with this look.

Keep doing you, Evgeni Malkin 

Evegeni Malkin has been having himself quite the year on an extremely underachieving Pittsburgh Penguins team. So who am I to question his warm-up routines? Why fix what ain’t broke. Keep doing what works for you, but this still plays more like some weird 80s workout video than a hockey warm up. Speaking of which, maybe you should think about getting Richard Simmons to whip Phat Phil Kessel’s ass into shape.

Jake Voracek Troll Game On One Hundred

Dangles for days. Plus the Flyers blanked the Islanders 4-0 to pull within 3 points of a wild card spot in the East. All around great day for the boys in Orange. All around demoralizing day for the Zebras.

Dan Girardi Forgets What Team He Plays For

Beautiful assist and really great vision from Old Man Girardi here, aside from the fact that Alex Ovechkin (ever heard of ‘em?) doesn’t play for the New York Rangers Men’s Ice Hockey team. Classic mistake and I guess Girardi just wanted to be a part of history as Ovi is now just one goal away from his 500. The rest of this game was pretty absurd and Nate already has the blog up on that.

And now here are a few of filthy goals just in case you’re into that short of thing…

Anthony Forsberg. Peter Duclair.

Really rough night for the Leafs. Like brutally rough.

The best thing about the Flyers drafting Travis Konecny last summer is that there’s now an unlimited supply of content for me to blog. The kid is a monster.