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Cam Newton Names His Son "Chosen"

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CHARLOTTE, N.C. – Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton said last week he would reveal “in due time” the name of his son that was born on Christmas Eve. Due time arrived on Thursday when Newton wore a blue Under Armour practice jersey with Chosen, the first name of his son, in big white letters across the back.  Officially, the name Newton and longtime girlfriend Kia Proctor gave their son is Chosen Sebastian. Newton still hasn’t spoken to the media about why he chose the name, but his teammates aren’t surprised by what they admit is a unique choice. “That’s different and unique, just like him,” cornerback Josh Norman said as the Panthers (15-1) enjoyed a bye week before their Jan. 17 playoff game. “Everybody has their way of doing things. He has his.” Wide receiver Jerricho Cotchery, a father of four, agreed. “It doesn’t surprise me with him because he goes against everybody else’s trends or mindset or perspective,” Cotchery said. “He goes with what he feels at that moment.”

Chosen. Like the Jews? Woof. I mean I understand everyone is an idiot these days. Naming their kids all sorts of ridiculous shit. Fucking “Saint.” Fucking “River.” “Sunday.” I heard theres a kid out there with the same name as a baseball stadium of a franchise thats an eternal loser. People get wacky with their baby names, man.

But Chosen is up there. Thats pretty bizarre. Maybe its because I’m an Anti-Semite. Maybe its because you put an incredible amount of pressure on this poor kid to be some sort of Hercules when maybe he just wants to hang out and be a normal kid. Or maybe its because Cam missed the golden opportunity to name his kid Fig. Fig Newton. Golden opportunity wasted. But whatever the reason may be I think this was a swing and a miss by Cam. But obviously I send my best to Chosen, Cam and Chosen’s mother. Chosen is gonna be like 6 weeks old and get his first championship while I’m sitting over here on a 30 year drought. Goddamit.

PS – I saw Cam was catching some heat about not being married too. Classic veiled racism. He dances and had a child before marriage, he’s not a role model! Get outta here.