A Kinda Hot Chick Is Robbing Jewelry Stores All Over the South Without Wearing a Mask

NBC – The female jewel thief targeting stores across the South has stolen millions of dollars worth of bling and is probably part of a sophisticated ring, investigators said Wednesday. The brazen young woman, working with a male accomplice who was also caught on video during the stickups, has already robbed six stores since April, prompting the FBI to launch a manhunt. A jewelry trade group has declared her “Public Enemy No. 1″ and put out a $10,000 reward. “She’s a very, very bold criminal,” said John Kennedy, president of the Jeweler Security Alliance. All the heists follow the same, carefully orchestrated pattern. The woman cases a store, then comes back the next day and casually chats with workers about an item. Suddenly, she whips a gun out of her purse and forces the employees to a back room — where she steals their keys and uses zip-ties to secure them. “At that point, she’ll go back to the merchandise area of the store to lock the front door,” Borghini said. “Then she’ll retrieve some shopping bags from her purse…and start loading various high-dollar value items, typically diamonds and watches, from the jewelry store.”

Outside, her getaway driver is waiting, in a car with dark-tinted windows and temporary or dealer tags. Kennedy said she uses an earpiece to communicate with him. “He is definitely involved in all the robberies because she is not doing these alone,” Borghini said. The duo is clearly going after certain, very expensive items, and investigators believe they are part of a larger organization that may be supplying a wish-list and then fencing the hot goods in a big city or even overseas.

This chick is straight up ballsy. No mask, no worries. It’s just her and a dude getaway driver knocking over every diamond dealer south of the Mason Dixon. Although I gotta say it’s a pretty sad state of affairs that she has to rob the stores by herself while her guy accomplice waits in the parking lot. I get that it’s 2016 but is chivalry completely dead? Now she’s got her face plastered all over the Internet, takes all the risk, and nobody knows who the guy is.  I personally believe that we should still do the little things that feminists don’t want us to do. We should still hold open doors, pay for dinner, and commit grand larceny for the ladies. Call me old fashioned but that’s just the way I see it.

More importantly, this is the Stool’s real time to shine. A chance to make a difference with all of the smut skills this site can muster. Finally, the smoke patrol can do some good and stand up in a way that’s not directly related to an erection. I mean, if all criminals were moderately attractive girls, I feel like stoolie commenters would make up the world’s most elite detective agency. That’s what guess that ass and guess that rack and the smoke patrol have been training you for. I feel like stoolies can see a picture that just shows a partial reflection of the lower half of a face off of a car door and some decent cleavage and it wouldn’t last two minutes before we’d have the chick’s Facebook page as the 3rd comment… the 10th one down would be a link to an imgur gallery with nudes. Sure, they’re not crucial to the investigation but that doesn’t mean I won’t click the link. So let’s find this chick before she strikes again, guys. I’ll be doing my part by hanging out at the Shane Company hoping to run into her.

P.S. If Barstool was a detective agency whitesoxdave would be the hardo who hasn’t made a bust in years. He’d see Kate Upton stealing a pallet of cheeseburgers on a surveillance tape, call her a 6, and tell you he doesn’t roll out of bed for less than an 8