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Time To Weigh In On This Dog Pants Internet Craze

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Dog Pants is the last viral sensation of 2015. Set the internet ablaze this week. And while you might be inclined to jump to conclusions, you gotta think it through.

Now option number 1 seems patently ridiculous to us. I mean its a 4 legged pair of pants that has about a 100 inch waist. Those are not a pair of pants at all. Obviously the logic behind it is that pants are designed to cover your entire lower half and dogs are a horizontally designed creature. I understand that. But right off the bat this option seems atrocious in comparison to option 2.

Option 2 are classic pants. 2 legs. Standard sized waist. One set of appendages free, one set covered by the pants. Everyone knows that dogs’ front legs are their arms, back legs are their legs. This is how pants work – you cover the legs. You see its all about the definition of “pants.” And option number 2 is what pants are. “Pantaloons” If dogs wore some sort of 4 legged wide waist pants, they would have to call them something different. Canineloons, perhaps. But if they’re gonna wear pants, its the second option. Standard pants covering the back “bottom” half.

AND YET…option 1 is the pick. As much as they arent pants…as much as they looks absurd in comparison to option 2…they are the choice. For one main reason – option number 2 covers their asshole. Dogs would never ever in one million years wear pants that cover their assholes. How would they shit? They cant even take those pants on and off. They would shit their pants constantly. So its not so much which option would dogs wear, its more which option would they NOT wear. And no dog would cover up that asshole. They love to sniff butts. They love to poop freely. Exposed asshole is one of the best parts of dog life. Option 1 is the choice, despite how hideous and absurd they look.