The 2015 NBA On Christmas Day Roundball Recap
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Another Christmas Day of NBA hoops in the books with a few interesting games. Did the league completely botch not having the most electric man in sports (Godzingis) play yesterday? That’s not for me to answer. But the answer nonetheless was a resounding yes.
Anyway, lets go through a full day of NBA games, just the way Baby Jesus would have wanted it 2015 years ago in Bethlehem.
This year’s Christmas jerseys were a soft 5 in my book, but people on Twitter seemed to love them. I mean I guess they are better than just making the jerseys red and green, but we can do better. And at least they don’t have fucking sleeves on them.
We had the Pelicans heading to Miami for their first game of the day. I will let DJ Khaled take it from here since the game was in his backyard.
Always gotta Bless Up on Christmas Day, right?
Happy Holidays to you as well, Khaled. Not sure what the hashtag Wet He Best is supposed to mean, but I imagine it’s some sort of South Beach saying.
The Pelicans and Heat played four quarters and now they have to play Another One because it’s overtime!!! (a part of my soul died while typing that)
In a parallel universe, Dwyane Wade is drafted by another franchise, still becomes an NBA champ and one of the best shooting guards ever. But he is beloved by the country because he is never associate with that rat fuck Pat Riley. Anyway, we live in a world where D Wade is dying to get on DJ Khaled’s Snapchat.
By the way, we are all laughing AT Khaled, right? Even though he’s laughing at us without being in on the joke because he’s filthy rich and doing shit like sitting courtside at games and going on his yacht. Oh yeah, and shit like this actually being a real thing makes me happy and sad at the same time.
We need to get Anthony Davis on a real franchise sooner or later. I know he just re-signed a massive contract, but performances like this should not come in a losing effort as much as they do for Davis.
Listening to Chris Bosh talk trash is like watching the PG movie. Family friendly and boring.
Would it kill the Heat to splurge for a Mac?
This game would have been the main event on Christmas Day four years ago. Now it’s the undercard for Cavs-Warriors.
Jimmy Butler with a Christmas miracle
This was a 5-on-2 fast break right out of the Isiah era of the Knicks
I admittedly spent most of this game trying to figure out if Russell Westbrook is really 6’3″, like he is listed. D Rose is listed at 6’3″, and there are times they looked to be the same height.
Even from past years, they look the same size.
Shit. I just don’t know what to believe anymore, my brain or my lying eyes.
Anyway, the Bulls had a nice win in OKC, which used to be an impossible place to win. It also used to be home to three of the best players in the league today. And there is a good chance none of them will be there in a couple of years. Crazy.
Next up we had the main course of the day, with the Cavs invading Golden State looking to avenge last season’s NBA Finals loss. The game before the game took place in the Pajama Off between LeBron and the Currys.
Unbiased Ruling: Currys 10, LeBron 0 in an absolute bloodbath. Mama Curry is still swishing every single picture she takes without even trying. And Seth Curry looks like he may be ready to embrace the Dark Side of the Force with that black hoodie on beneath his onesie. #staywoke Curry Family.
Pregame routines I will never get sick of:
1 (tie). Odell Beckham Jr. making one-handed catches
1 (tie). Steph Curry doing Steph Curry things
Mark Jackson once again had the honor to call another big Warriors game. He seemed thrilled to be doing this instead of spending the day at home with his family.
Mark Jackson then went on a nonsensical rant about how Steph Curry is ruining the game because high school kids want to shoot three pointers, which sounded like an ex-girlfriend complaining about eating some sour grapes.
It’s a lot easier to make fun of the 6’9″, 260 lb. Adonis from behind a keyboard than right behind him in person.
The entire world held its breath when Steph Curry appeared to re-injure his once-troublesome feet, which would have legitimately ruined Christmas.
But it was a slight calf injury and he was fine.
We were reminded that Matt Dellavedova is still that annoying dog that keeps barking at you while humping your leg. Sure this was an intentional foul to get Iggy to the line. But still was the most Delly play ever.
Reminder: Draymond Green is a crazy person.
LeBron getting this call caused Twitter to meltdown for a hot minute. If the roles were reversed, LeBron would STILL be complaining to the refs.
But the Warriors still pulled through in the end, so it was all good.
I never had more respect for Charles Oakley in my life than after I saw how big Antonio Davis really is. Imagine battling that big son of a bitch for rebounds? Jesus.
This Texas showdown was the Christmas dessert after the full meal that was Cavs-Warriors. Sure it was good, but I think we were all seriously starting to break down by this point.
Tim Duncan was wearing shoes with a color that broke my brain.
If you missed the first half, it was mostly just Kawhi Leonard doing shit like this. It’s almost unfair that the Spurs have reloaded seamlessly with Kawhi and LaMarcus for the future. I say almost because you can’t really get mad at a franchise for just being smart. Now if you will excuse me, I will go cut myself as I think about what James Dolan is doing right now.
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Gregg Popovich has officially achieved the American Dream. No, not having a family living in a beautiful home with a white picket fence. He has been a curmudgeon to sideline reporters for so long, he doesn’t have to do the least favorite part of his job anymore.
If you missed the end of the game, James Harden did what he does. Which was hit backbreaking shots with that smooth but not smooth because he’s a lefty but it’s still pretty goddamn smooth release.
Still the best Harden impression ever.
Peak Pop.
Finally, we had the battle of L.A. To be fair, I was rifling down candy canes and Poland Spring bottles to fight off the pickle I had put my digestive system in the last 24 hours, so I wasn’t paying much attention to this game. But I think this Vine sums up the Lakers season.
Also, this fact made me lose faith in NBA fans and question whether God truly exists.
Another great Christmas Day of NBA basketball. Can’t wait for Knicks-Warriors to be the main event next year!
Update: Come on guys, really?!? I would hope that anyone who reads or writes for Barstool could have saw through that one.