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Getting Married This Spring? The Next Miltons Pimp My Wedding Contest Starts Now!

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Miltons is going to hook up entire weddings, up to 8 groomsmen, with all the gear they need. Send in your email to and we’ll have stoolies vote for the winners. We’re loading up for the next wedding to pimp so send in your candidates now. Our next winner will be selected February 5th.



Reader Email

I’m not sure there’s anyone more deserving of winning this contest than my good friend Zack, or as we know him, ZD. I could tell you guys about his first marriage (it was hell) or his first wife (she was a monster), but I will instead focus on two other, much more important things: ZD’s innateness to be an extremely good person all while being the wildest human being I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Let me preface this by saying all of the below accounts are indeed true. Thanks in advance for reading and voting for ZD to get decked out in some incredible gear for his wedding. He has earned it.

My personal favorite feat happened in 2009. ZD ate 5 live bees at a football tailgate. Bees were swarming a table of food, and the famished family trying to enjoy their meal was at wit’s end. Seeing the troubled people, ZD did what none of us would do. He walked over to the first bee and karate chopped it out of mid air. And then picked it up off of the ground, and put it in his mouth. He continued to battle and eat four more bees before the rest of the swarm retreated. The family was safe, and upon offering ZD some of their delicious pulled pork, he looked them in the eyes and said, “Thank you, but I just ate.”


-To cheer up a friend who was having a bad day he lit off a pack of fireworks. In the living room. In his own pants pocket.
-Donned a misshapen bowl cut for one month his senor year of college to win a $100 bet (photo below)
-Along with his brother and best man, Matt, he built a porno pog business empire (they cut nipple photos out of nudie mags, glued them to pogs, and sold them on the school bus)
-Picked up a red hot metal spatula from the campfire and branding his ass while the rest of us were casually eating breakfast
-Proposed to his now fiancé on stage at a Lee Brice concert during the finale of the Windy City Smokeout. We still aren’t sure how he got up there 
-Squeezed two freshly cut lime halves directly into his eyeballs while screaming “Cowabunga!”

I left out all of the stuff about how kind and caring and giving this man is when it comes to his family, strangers, and everyone in between, because I can’t submit a book. He does everything without ulterior motive or selfishness. He is just living to make other people laugh and to make their lives fuller. He was dealt a rotten hand the first go around of this whole marriage thing and even though he completely out-kicked his coverage with his fiancé Lauren, I know it’ll last a lifetime but won’t be totally bummed if it doesn’t because I love bachelor parties and strippers and stuff.

Thanks for your consideration and Viva La Stool.



The Groom

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Best Man & Groom

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1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars6 Stars7 Stars8 Stars9 Stars10 Stars (42 votes, average: 9.76 out of 10)