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HOLYFUCKINGSHIT! The Force Awakens Is Outstanding And You Need To See It ASAP!



As a child of the ’70s weaned on the greatest trilogy in cinema*, I had been eagerly awaiting The Force Awakens since it was announced. And despite the excellent job J.J. Abrams did in resurrecting “Star Trek”, I was still feeling just a tad trepidatious thanks to the lingering scar tissue from Jar Jar, Trade Federations, and sand soliloquies. (*—you’ve actually seen “The Godfather Part III, right?)

Well, Abrams blasted my fears out the sky much like he was using the Bad Guys new weaponized planet (settle down, it’s on the poster). All I can say is “Wow”. Just…”wow”.

I wrote this Tweet about a week ago…

And I couldn’t be happier to report that it was spot-on.

Like the “Rocky” re-up, “The Force Awakens” relies on its well-known and much-beloved mythology while also giving us new characters to cherish and/or abhor (and, duh, to carry on the story for more sequels). The story in TFA, which I won’t reveal here because everybody should see it with a blank slate, hits a lot of the same familiar but warm beats as “Star Wars”, much like “Creed” does. But these beats aren’t brought out just for some sort of nostalgia checklist, they’re often central to the story and are given an updated touch. If there were callbacks or references to the prequels, they went right over the heads of the audience I was in. (I’ve read some quibbling over plot points but this is where I remind people that “Star Wars” and its sequels weren’t exactly “L.A. Confidential”. Also, it’s sci-fi, fer chrissakes. Stop being so goddamn literal and just enjoy the friggin’ movie.)

Like “Star Wars”, the story jumps right into the action and is essentially one long adventure though there are occasional slow-downs. But even when things slow down, they are never boring. I never once looked for the time, cared about how much time was left, or how soon it would be over because I was just enjoying myself so much.

When I left “The Phantom Menace” after the first time, I wanted to go back and see it again. No, not because it was a rollicking adventure I couldn’t wait to revisit. But because I wanted to see if it would somehow, miraculously get better when I watched it for a second time. Alas, we know how that turned out. But when I see “The Force Awakens” in the theater for a second (or third or fourth) time, it’s because it’s a fantastic movie that will not only please the die-hards but will also entertain the hell out of people who don’t know a Wookie from a Jawa.

See it and see it soon so that some asshole doesn’t pull one of these in Internet form:

Even Luke is giving out warnings…

A few more space buds for your bowl made out of a crashed Star Destroyer…

*Maybe the best thing Abrams did was get top-notch actors. Because the acting is superb. You always know what you’re gonna get with Oscar Isaac. But Daisy Ridley and John Boyega not only have outstanding chemistry together, they are both fantastic as, respectively, Rey and Finn—the two characters who are presumably the lifeblood for Episodes VIII and IX. Adam Driver does a bang-up job as Kylo Ren and provides the ‘new Darth Vader’ with a wounded psyche that makes him more interesting than Vader was in “Star Wars”.

*Much like a riotous comedy (think “There’s Something About Mary”), I missed parts of the dialogue because of the audience clapping when an old friend or machine showed up on screen for the first time. (Seriously, the Millennium Falcon got more props than some of the human characters.)

*Perhaps the most surprising thing was just how goddamn funny the movie is. While it’s certainly not a comedy and the chuckles do dissipate towards the end, there’s some genuine laughs and quite a few were provided by Boyega, who does excellent work here.

*Also like “Creed”, the cast was made to reflect the audiences of 2015 and not the mid-1970s. Some losers online will no doubt cry about the fact that a young lady and a black guy are now the main characters (rather than, you know, appreciating the hell out of the great work they do). Fuck ‘em. If you’re bent out of shape about the races of characters in a fictional, outer space movie, you’re a loser. Plain and simple. Conversely, I can already see the Jezebel think pieces about Daisy Ridley—“Rey of Light: The Femz Is With You!” or some such drivel.

*Harrison Ford slides right back into Han Solo like a favorite old pair of slippers and it’s honestly the best work he’s done in ages. Ford doesn’t often look like he’s having fun but he sure as hell does here. He’s a little tired and maybe a little haggard looking but he’s still the same irascible pilot that can’t seem to learn from his mistakes.

*Abrams does a great job of not only servicing the long-time fans but also engaging a new audience. People who never saw a second of the Original Trilogy can jump right in here and won’t be lost (though a few jokes may fly over their heads). TFA also perfectly sets up the story-telling for the next installment.

*I must admit I was a little disappointed that Kylo Ren’s villain move wasn’t to send his opponents home to their parents covered in cum.

*I avoided Twitter for three days after the premiere because there are some very real spoilers out there so if you’re online, tread carefully. Because you really don’t want to know.