This SIlicon Valley Porn Startup To Watch Regular People Fuck Is Legit The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard
(Newser) – It’s a story about a pornography startup trying to make a go of it, but this one has a few unique twists. As a profile in Priceonomics explains, entrepreneur Cindy Gallop has a message behind her Make Love Not Porn video platform: She’s worried about “the creeping ubiquity of hardcore pornography” and the effect it’s having on men and women and their views about sex. (Gallop explained all this in a popular Ted talk in 2009.) The basic premise of MLNP is that people pay $5 a month so they can watch videos of real people having unstaged, normal, healthy sex. And the result? “Today, MLNP has neither failed nor achieved remarkable success,” writes Alex Mayyasi. “Two years after its launch, it is in public beta and, according to Gallop, earns revenues in the low five-figures each month.”
We’re shocked Make Love Not Porn hasn’t achieved remarkable success, guys? That’s worth of a story? Look this is so simple it’s crazy so I’ll break it down real quick.
1) I don’t pay 5 dollars a month to watch Mia Malkova get ass fucked for the first time ever on Brazzers, I’m not paying $5 to watch Jim and Dorene from down the street hump for 3 minutes.
2) Make Love Not Porn is the dumbest name ever. Watching “making love” is the most sick, twisted and perverted shit I’ve ever heard of. Seriously, it is. Don’t try and champion that.
3) Unstaged, normal, healthy sex is not sexy. Unstaged means that the pre-video discussion, which is usually my favorite part, is less about Dorene talking about how much she loves cock and more about Jim convincing her that she’s still beautiful despite the fact that she’s bloated from dinner. Normal is boring. Healthy is super boring. Give me staged, abnormal, unhealthy sex every day of the week.
4) Amateur porn is overrated. Everyone talks about how great it is but the fact of the matter is that it takes forever to find a good video and if you want to switch it up you’ll lose your boner with all the fat, hairy thumbnails you stumble upon on your quest. Plus, amateur porn pretty much exists to remind you that assholes are not as nice as pornstars make you think and you should temper your anal expectations.
5) I don’t need realistic girls, I need stupid hot and slutty ones. I don’t go to the movies to see what Steve Rogers is doing, I want to see what the fuck Captain America is up to.
If MLNP had called me into the boardroom two years ago I could’ve run down this list and saved them a whole heap of problems. Your idea is dumb, here’s why, cancel the IPO, goodnight.