The final Republican Debate for 2015 starts tonight at 8:30 and while I was waiting for the JV debate to start tonight, I realized that the current debate format is missing something. It’s missing a way for the candidates to not only express themselves in a more personal manner, but also a way for them to truly connect to the voters at home. I realized that each candidate should be able to pick their own walk-up music for the debate because let’s be honest with each other… the choice that they make for that song means wayyyyyyy more than any of the politicized jibber jabber they say up on the stage. Nobody actually says what they mean and mean what they say during the debate. But if you asked each candidate to pick one song that perfectly sums them up, well then you have something to work with. So I decided to do the work for them and pick walk-up songs myself. Just to be clear though, these songs have quite literally nothing to do with each candidate’s political ideologies since I don’t know nearly enough about them. We’ll go in the order in which the candidates will be standing tonight.
John Kasich – Road Outside Columbus by OAR
John Kasich is from Ohio, OAR
is from went to school in Ohio. Is it a great walk up song? Absolutely not. But people don’t mind when it comes on. I feel like everyone is pretty “meh” about it which is kind of like how everyone feels about Kasich. He doesn’t hurt anyone up there but it’s not like incredibly memorable or anything.
Carly Fionia – Partition by Beyonce
Sure, she may be running for President. But Carly Fiorina is white. Carly Fiorina is a woman. If there’s one thing that white women love in this world the most, it’s Beyonce.
Marco Rubio – Gasolina by Daddy Yankee
Marco Rubio is the son of a Cuban immigrant. I know this because he says it every 5 minutes. So I figured something something Latin would work for Rubes. Plus this song BANGS.
Ben Carson – The Man by Aloe Blacc
I love to listen to Ben Carson speak. I don’t necessarily know how I feel about everything that he has to say, but it’s more the way he says it. So smooth. Would love to just let him tell me stories for hours.
Donald Trump – America, Fuck Yeah by Team America
There are so many options that Donald Trump could go with. Like so so many. But I don’t think any song truly encapsulates Trump’s bad boy persona quite as much as the theme from Team America does.
Ted Cruz – Cruise by Florida Georgia Line
Ted Cruz would 100% be the jackass to pick the song just because it’s his last name and think it was amazing. Quick sidenote about Ted Cruz if you’re actually watching the debate tonight; the man has the largest ears I’ve ever seen in my life. Legitimate Dumbo ears.
Jeb Bush – Here I Go Again by Whitesnake
I honestly have no idea why I picked this one. Jeb Bush just kinda strikes me as the type of guy who likes to let loose sometimes at the family BBQ. Let him loosen up the tie a little bit, throw a few Miller Lites his way, turn on some Whitesnake and let the man shred the air guitar like you’ve never seen before.
Chris Christie – Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen
This was pretty much a lay up. It had to be something Bruce. Chris Christie is “running” for President. It’s just funny because he can’t actually run in real life.
Rand Paul – House Party by Sam Hunt
You know that out of all the candidates, Rand Paul definitely thinks he’s the coolest and tries to stay the most in touch with what the kids these days are in to. Bitches love Sam Hunt and if he’s not going to win the debate, Rand Paul at least wants to win the night and get all the smokes in the crowd leaking.