I Know Exactly Who Should Be On The Ten Dollar Bill

Editors Note: 1. Worst photoshop ever.  2. I already decided who should be on the new 10.  Doris Burke.

Huffington Post- Contrast that to some of the women being thrust forward to succeed or share space with him on #TheNew10 as Treasury is calling it. There is good ol’ Betsy Ross, who sewed our flag (yawn), and a ballooning list of presidential wives from Martha Washington to Eleanor Roosevelt (sure). And because the only prerequisite is that a person must be dead to be eligible, contenders keep coming. Scientists have proposed Sally Ride and Amelia Earhart. The American Red Cross is pushing its founder. Helen Keller and Pocahontas have their admirers, and hallowed abolitionists and civil rights figures such as Harriet Tubman and Susan B. Anthony top many shortlists. Good women all. Still, it is hard to imagine anyone short of Scheherazade who might excite or delight quite like the incumbent. Treasury may feel obliged to spotlight a woman. But 40 percent of adults polled in July by Harris thought that “a different bill should have been selected for sharing” — and that was when “Hamilton” was still in previews. Pray, then, what to do? The solution, I submit, lies in the same faded pages of history where Mr. Hamilton’s own crowd-pleasing story was rediscovered: a quick-thinking, cross-dressing, gun-toting heroine named Deborah Sampson Gannett, otherwise known as Private Robert Shurtleff of Massachusetts. Disguised for more than a year as a man, she served her country, and bled for it, as a soldier in the Revolutionary War

So everyone knows this summer the Treasury decided to change up the ten dollar bill so it couldn’t be copied and they decided to put a woman’s face smack dab in the middle. Apparently they still haven’t decided who should go on it because I saw this article about how someone thinks Deborah Gannett should be on it. She was a patriot in the War of Independence I guess. Then there’s a whole bunch of other historically important women that are in the running. We also talked about it on the rundown this summer and everyone thought I was serious about having Marylin Monroe be on it (I was only kind of serious). But I know exactly who should be on the ten dollar bill, me. I’m actually kind of mad I didn’t think of it sooner. There aren’t clear parameters for who can and can’t be on it (I think, I haven’t looked it up) so I think I could make a good case for myself.

1. I have a pretty solid education.

UMass isn’t a terrible school and if all goes well I’ll be graduating soon. If your face is on money you should probably have at least a college education. Yeah, I may get the wrong your/you’re sometimes when I’m writing but I don’t think grammar matters as much as everyone says it does and it definitely doesn’t matter when it’s just your face.

2. I’m not hideous.

I’m not like a beautiful super model, I know that. But, I’m not disgusting either. I’m just average, a woman of the people that looks like the people (I’m still working on it) And the U.S can’t have a gross person on the ten dollar bill. How would that look to other countries? Just laughable.

3. I’m funny

**I think I’m funny**

4. I’m young

I may not have invented anything or done amazing things with my life but I still have time. I could save the world one day or discover the cure for cancer. You never know. Put me on the ten dollar bill watch me fly.

(Unless you have to be dead to be in the running which sounds possible now that I’m thinking about it, in which case disregard #4)

5. I’m not scared of spiders/bugs

Fearless. That’s money material.

6. I have thick skin

Whoever is going to be on the ten dollar bill is going to face a lot of criticism and critique. It has to be someone who can handle it, in which case I’m your girl.

7. Marbles got a wax figure.

Fair is fair. I deserve this.

8. I’m a good person

You can’t have a shitty person’s face on money. And I’m not shitty, I’m nice. I like people sometimes, I like animals and I donate to charity.

P.S I tried so damn long to put my face on the ten dollar bill and the fact that that’s the best I can do is really sad and makes my argument completely irrelevant.