Terrible Lawmaker Wants To Make Yoga Pants Illegal

Billings - A Montana lawmaker is seeking to strengthen the state’s indecent exposure law, stopping just short of his wish to outlaw yoga pants. Rep. David Moore on Tuesday introduced House Bill 365 in the House Judiciary Committee in response to a group of naked bicyclists who rolled through Missoula in August. The proposal would expand indecent exposure law to include any nipple exposure, including men’s, and any garment that “gives the appearance or simulates” a person’s buttocks, genitals, pelvic area or female nipple. The Republican from Missoula said tight-fitting beige clothing could be considered indecent exposure under his proposal. “Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway,” Moore said after the hearing.

There are some simple pleasures in life. Getting an extra nugget in your 10 piece, when drunk you leaves next day hungover you pizza that you don’t remember buying, and when you randomly see a girl in public with an extraordinary ass wearing yoga pants. It’s just one of those things that you can’t really explain how you got so lucky, but yet there you are, staring at the booty like it’s one of those 3D puzzle books. And now this guy wants to bam them:

That there is the face of the opposite of happiness. A guy who can’t get any ass if his blacked out self depended on it. So he wants to ban yoga pants from public. He wants to turn us into Pleasantville before they had color. And he wants to ban male nipples too. That’s just overcompensating at that point. Even odds say he’s doing the toe-tap under the stall in a truck stop bathroom by the end of the year.