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It's Safe To Say Jessica Simpson Has Shed The Baby Weight

BAM. Jessica looks like she could fit right back into those Daisy Duke jeans that turned billions of teenage socks to stone in the ’90’s. What makes it even more impressive is every time this woman gets a bun in the oven she goes from fox to whale overnight:


Then right back to fox:

I guess that’s what a woman can do with unlimited time, money, and resources. My apologies, average Stoolie husbands. At least every father can enjoy the post birth milkers that inevitably come after the first spawn, as seen with Jessica here.

No, hun, they’re not street legal. Those varicose vein tits need to be locked in a cage, or be used as a map to find Curley’s Gold. At least she’s got enough milk stored in her tits to where she can nurse a starving African village for a decade.