The Sixers Get Their First, Flyers Win 3 Straight, Eagles Practice And Nobody Dies - Everything Coming Up Philly!!!

December the 1st, 2015. Remember the date, kids. That was the day you’ll tell your grandchildren the Philadelphia sports scene has finally turned the corner. Yes, we may have only jumped from a river of shit to a pool of piss, but it’s an improvement. The Sixers avoid being alone for the worst start in NBA history. The Flyers are playing inspired hockey to the tune of 3 straight victories with a 4-2 win over Ottawa – a team that shut them out 4-0 just 10 days prior. The Eagles had Malcolm Jenkins ripping the coaching staff and Chip Kelly saying no scheme changes were needed on O or D after getting mollywhopped in their last 2.5 games, but hey, at least nobody spiked themselves to death. And the Phillies still exist. You see? Happy days in Philadelphia for all. Dare I say maybe a .500 record is right around the corner for a Philly sports franchise? Oh, wait, looks like the Flyers 10-10-5 and are only out of a PLAYOFF spot by 2 points. SUCK IT, AMERICA (and especially Beantown after this next fact).

Also, look at all these classless Philly fans not respecting the last time they’ll see an all-time NBA great. Shocked no batteries were thrown in his direction.

Plus the video tribute to Kobe was kind of unnecessary but still kind of cool. He did freaking beat us in our only finals appearance in 30 years FYI (and by “He” I mean mostly Shaq). Might not want to revel in his existence too much: