The 0-18 Philadelphia 76ers Will Beat The Lakers Tonight To Avoid Becoming The Worst Sports Team In The History Of History

MEMPHIS – The 76ers extended one futility record and tied another Sunday. Yes, it was a normal game-day experience for them. The only difference was their opponent was the Memphis Grizzlies in this 92-84 loss at FedExForum. It was the Sixers’ 28th straight loss dating to March 27, extending the U.S. professional sports record they set in Friday’s defeat at Houston. They also lost their 18th consecutive game to start the season, tying the league record set by the 2009-10 New Jersey Nets. They are in line to shatter that record in Tuesday’s home game against the Los Angeles Lakers.

I hereby declare this Positivity Week on Barstool Philly. We’ve got the Eagles upsetting the Patriots. The Flyers impressively shutting out the Rangers 3-0 and coming into their own with a couple nice W’s. The Phillies still existing as a franchise. Let’s kick it up a notch with the Sixers, I don’t know, winning a fucking game for the first time in eternity. They already set the American professional sports record for longest losing streak at 28 straight L’s. There’s no way Brett Brown* is going to allow his respectable name be tarnished any more through this river of pure shit. Yes, they’re in the final chapter of this Trilogy Of Tank, but it would truly be embarrassing as men to start off the season with this new record. They’re already on their way to being the worst team in NBA history (Again – thanks 1973 Sixers who were 9-73). Let’s stay out of the record books and start it up with a W tonight vs. Kobe and crew. The cheapest tickets only shot up 80000000% from 9$ to 75$ on Moses Malone night if you wanna join the party. Time to take one to the bank and go straight home after the game for some Shirley Temples, Jah.

NOW CUE THE MUSIC.

*In all seriousness, people around the league are feeling awful that a basketball mind such as Brett Brown is stuck in this purgatory of dick. Why? He’s got the greatest job security in the world. This dude could lose every single game this year and will still be able to lead the Sixers onto the court in 2016. Sure, he’s gotta develop the young talent and get them ready for their run of 10 straight championships. But Brett Brown currently has it made in the millionaire shade.