I Want "The Unauthorized Friday Night Lights" Musical Put Out Of Business Immediately

(Source) — Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t stop singing — everyone’s favorite football drama is getting its own musical adaptation in 2016. Sucker Love Productions, the production company behind the recent The Unauthorized O.C. Musical, announced Tuesday that they would be bringing Friday Night Lights to the stage with original songs next year. So far, details are scant — though the musical will take place in L.A. in 2016 — but the production team did share another exciting tidbit: Scott Porter will be playing Coach Taylor in the adaptation. 

I’m getting people tweeting this at me like I must be so ecstatic. What is wrong with you guys? Why would I want this? Why would anyone want this? You’re all basically congratulating me on a baby that I didn’t plan for. You know how fucked up that is? “Hey man, heard you accidentally got your girlfriend pregnant and you’ve been begging her to get rid of it but she keeps telling you this is the lord’s will? Congrats on becoming a father!” Fuck you.

Look I don’t even hate the idea of this so much. As long as we’re talking country music then I bet an FNL Musical might kinda bang. It can’t be all fruity songs, hand gestures, Smash sucking off Landry after last call, and whatever other stereotype musicals are. But, some football and high school parties with country twang? I could be there for that.

However, you need the cast. Vinny Chase was Queens Boulevard and Eric Taylor is Dillon, Texas. Tim Riggins is Panther football. Matt Saracen is… I don’t know, I don’t even think he does. Lyla Garrity is Texas Debutante. Without any of those people then Friday Night Lights isn’t Friday Night Lights (I don’t care if there was a book and a movie first, the show is what is Friday Night Lights). If the whole cast isn’t back then I want nothing to do with it, and I want even less with fucking Jason Street’s lame-ass playing Coach Taylor. That character sucked at life and football, wouldn’t have been 1/1000th of the QB1 Lance Harbor would’ve been.