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This Australian Girl's Tinder Bio Is Why You've Got To Love Aussie Chicks

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Australian girls, man. I haven’t actually been down there but I’ve come across quite a few Aussie chicks in my travels and they’re always so hilarious. It bums me out that we haven’t had another Australian renaissance since Crocodile Dundee ruined it for everyone because they have so much to offer. Hot Instagram models, their wacky accents, some of the good parts of LOST. And the girls are just goers, through and through. I’m as patriotic as they come with competing against other countries but you put our hardest partying American girl up against a 20something Aussie chick and we’re losing every time. Like even this girl, that’s a Snapchat screengrab and you just know she dumped em out at some point in that 30 second video. Aussie girls are truly a pleasure, five stars on Yelp.

 

 

And so begins another week of the Tinder blog. I’m going to be honest with you: Lots of weird shit came in this week, probably the most ever in one blog. But I’ll try to navigate you through it as best I can. Send me your screenshots on Twitter (DMs are preferred for your confidentiality) and let’s go:

 

 

c-itoldyouthisweekwouldbeweird

I told you this week would be weird (via C)

 

 

 

mh

See? I warned you guys this morning (via MH)

 

 

zd-ifyourethisgirlsroommatemurderisofficiallyokingirllaw

If you’re this girl’s roommate, I assume girl code says you’re legally allowed to murder her (via Z)

 

 

 

starlord

Nate Dogg would agree with this girl’s style (RIP)

 

 

 

(via Starlord)

 

 

slc-genuinelyjustwanttoknowhowsheusestheapp

Maybe someone out there has an answer but I’d really like to know how a girl so blind that she needs a guide dog would even use Tinder (via SLC)

 

 

 

rp1

rp2

Even if this girl weren’t hot, the bonus of strippers wandering in while she’s forcing you to watch Grey’s Anatomy does seem like a positive (via RP)

 

 

 

NS

I don’t personally know much about Worcester State but I can personally say I am now officially scared my child will one day go to Worcester State (via NS)

 

 

nm1-

nm2

Well it’s nice to know she doesn’t use the diapers (via NM)

 

 

 

n-bullstuds

I don’t know anything about these dominant bull studs but I can wager on one thing: That room would smell AWFUL after whatever it is they do (via N)

 

 

 

 

 

 

JL-21inInterstellaryearsmaybe

21 in Interstellar years maybe (via JL)

 

 

 

DS

Seriously if you’re 20 years old and into getting punched in the face or spat on or whatever, lighten up a little. No one should need to go depraved to cum until at least a decade of fucking (via DS)

 

 

dg-prettytrans

This week’s reminder that trans girls are sometimes prettier than 90% of the other girls here (via DG)

 

 

CW

This girl’s profile is the Danny Woodhead of Tinder bios, very scrappy and hardworking (via CW)

 

 

TC-thatstherealkindofdepravitynotfaketindershit

See now this is the real kind of depraved sexual stuff, not that “Ooh I’m so naughty” act girls put on with (via TC)

 

 

 

RY-judgingbytheskimaskshesnotfuckingaround

Judging by the ski mask I’d reckon she’s not fucking around (via RY)

 

 

rp-listenigetthewholegenderthingbutthatsgrammaticallyincorrect

Listen I get the whole gender pronoun thing but They/them/their is just grammatically incorrect when talking about a singular person. Clean it up LGBT (via RP)

 

 

 

ph1

ph2

I did warn you this week would be weird (via PH)

 

 

 

n-noquestionthisgirlthinksthispicishotbutshelookslikeacrazyperson

No question this girl thinks this picture is so hot but she legitimately looks like she should be institutionalized with those eyes (via N)

 

 

 

N-isitwrongthatthisishowipictureallbritishchicks

Since we alaready talked Australians, is it wrong that this is how I picture all British girls? I’ve yet to be proven wrong (via N)

 

 

 

MT1

MT2

Her Facebook feed must be a treat…also kill me but still probably would (via MT)

 

 

 

MK

That seems like an odd but easy to fulfill request (via MK)

 

 

 

m-nothingsaysineeddrugslikeasearsmodelingphoto

Nothing says “I need drugs” more than having a Sears modeling photo as your pic on Tinder (via M)

 

 

 

lf-bangkokgirltinder

Bangkok girl Tinder: A great way to meet a guy on several no-fly lists who regularly gets his laptop screened at airports (via LF)

 

 

 

 

JL1

JL2

REAL aggressive trans bio moves here top to bottom and you have to respect them (via JL)

 

 

 

 

 

 

JD1

JD2

There aren’t enough heart eyes emojis in the world (via JD)

 

 

 

j1

j2-whatsthecatchherejade

What’s the catch here Jade? You’re way prettier than that other sexually depraved chick (via J)

 

 

 

IF-NEEDSBLURsheseemsreadytodate

Oh yeah she seems ready to date now (via IF)

 

 

 

heidi-noquestionthisguyisabarstoolguy

No question your competition for the week is also a Barstool guy (via Heidi)

 

 

 

eloso-seemslikeshemustgettoldshesprettyoften

Seems she must get told she’s pretty often already (via ElOso)

 

 

 

 

DP-youjustknowafloridananalikethisfucks

You just know a Florida nana like this fucks (via DP)

 

 

 

dm-nochill

Appropriate photo choice to convey her message here (via DM)

 

 

 

dc-headgames

DM-headgames

Your Cliché Chick Bio of the Week, though they do both seem like they’d be enthusiastic fellaters (via DM, DC)

 

 

 

lwl-ivenevermetthisgirlandshesmyfavoritewomanontinder

I’ve never met this girl and she’s still my favorite woman on Tinder (via LWL)

 

 

C-rapesohotrightnowpairwithLWL

Rape bios, so hot right now (via C)

 

 

 

AP-needsblur

Great move by Tinder adding people’s jobs to their photos, really lends credibility (via P)

 

 

ad1

ad2

Weird, I wouldn’t think someone posting blurred photos of themselves on Tinder would be so out of touch with reality (via AD)

 

TC

(via TC)

 

 

MB-clearlydifferentdefinitionsofverycommitted

Clearly there are different definitions for “very committed” (via MD)

 

 

 

JC

A girl who eats ass is definitely the kind of girl who’d Gone Girl herself(via JC)

 

 

And onto the hot and maybe NSFW ones…

 

 

ZF1

ZF2

I’ve said before that other escorts on Tinder would be millionaires; this girl with her Emma Stone with tits look is the first one who’d actually deserve it (via ZF)

 

 

PC-hotnsfw

This girl was in the blog months ago but she deserves one more moment in the sun (via PC)

 

 

GA-hotnsfw

(via GA)

 

 

jl

The tattoos say “I’m not joking” (via JL)

 

 

 

JG-isthereanythinginnoutburgercantdo

Is there anything In-N-Out Burger can’t do? (via JG)

 

 

 

bgb

Proud of that dress’s never surrender attitude (via BGB)

 

 

 

c-dgstillthehottestsororityinthegame

I may be biased by personal experience but I don’t want to live in a world where DG isn’t the hottest sorority in the game (via C)

 

 

 

 

sk

(via SK)

 

And hey we lucked into one more NSFW cherry on top even though the Tinder Moments have been removed from the app. It’s probably fake but who cares, boobs. Send me your screenshots on Twitter, enjoy your Thanksgivings, and happy swiping!