InTouch – In the legal paperwork, his sexual partners must agree to keep any communication (both written and verbal), personal information and details of their interaction with the actor private or face legal ramifications.
The document forbids anyone who signs the paperwork from disclosing the previously defined “confidential information” to friends, family, social networks, media outlets, publishers, etc. or face legal consequences.
Should someone who signs the agreement fail to follow the aforementioned rules, they must compensate the Two and a Half Men actor with a fine of $100,000 in addition to any money incurred from breaking the agreement.
And here’s the actual agreement courtesy of InTouch:
Now this is amazing on multiple levels even besides the fact that Myspace made the cut of banned social media and Instagram didn’t, clearly Charlie Sheen needs to update his sex legal documents more regularly. That these sex non-disclosure agreements actually exist in more than just classic Dave Chappelle skits make me glad to live in a world in which two adults can get together for sex but only after carefully reviewing and notarizing legal paperwork (seriously does a notary have to be present? Personally I’d just hire a fluffer who can also be certified as a notary, this way you can keep a rod going while a girl goes through two pages of legal jargon instead of having to start from square one when she signs it. Way more efficient).
But 2) It’s even funnier in the darkest/most fucked up of ways that Charlie Sheen was having women sign this sex non-disclosure agreement while he allegedly wasn’t even disclosing to them that they could, you know, get AIDS from banging him without protection:
NY Daily News – “‘I’m clean,’ he told me!” Bree Olson said on the Howard Stern show on SiriusXM Tuesday morning, minutes after Sheen said on the “Today” show that he has been honest with lovers since his HIV diagnosis four years ago.
Olson, 29, lived with Sheen, 50, for part of 2011 as one of his “goddesses” — but said she only learned about the actor’s diagnosis “right along with everyone else” in the public.
“He never said anything to me,” she said. “I was his girlfriend. I lived with him. We had sex almost every day for a year.”
“I have never torn him apart (in interviews,” Olson said. “But I am so upset and I couldn’t be more angry…I’ve been crying to think that someone could do that to me. I loved him.”
If this is true, that’s one of the most brutal things ever. I don’t know that I expect Charlie Sheen of all people to be some beacon of tact and social grace, but I feel like asking someone “Hey don’t give me the deadliest sexually transmitted disease imaginable” is a pretty basic courtesy. I understand it’s not “smart” and I can only imagine the shame I’m bringing to the older Jewish woman who put a condom on a banana in my 10th grade health class, but I’ve been known to skip wrapping one up on occasion. And that’s a sacred trust you have between two adults making an impulsive decision because wearing one millimeter of latex just feels so much worse. Granted, I’m not banging hookers or Charlie Sheen and I get tested fairly regularly for someone without health insurance, but that utterance of “I’m clean” should be all it takes to know you’re 100% safe if you’re not using a condom. Sex is the most intimate and invasive thing you can have in the world between two adults, even if it’s not as special of an exchange as it was when Mary Sue was getting two pump’d in the back of a 1952 Buick. Birth control, diseases, a significant other…those are three things that it should be 100% illegal to lie about before sex. Maybe not punishable by death but if not, you get banned from sex for a year. Fair is fair and if I can’t trust someone whom I’ve ejaculated on or around whose last name I don’t even know because we met on Tinder and there’s no graceful way to ever bring that up, who can I trust?
(Charlie Sheen photo by Dennis Makarenko/Shutterstock.com)