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It's Time To Overhaul College In America And I'm Just The Man To Do It



Listen America sucked this week. We got protesters at Missouri, Yale, Northeastern, Ithica and like 20 other places. We got school Presidents, professors and coaches resigning rather than deal with the bullshit of primadona college kids. We got college administrators who have never worked a day in their lives in the real world making idiots out of themselves. We got everything from poop swastikas, to mean Halloween costumes, to professors not getting paid enough. It’s a fucking joke and it’s really starting to drive me nuts.

The good news is I’m not just gonna sit here and whine about it with no solutions. I’m here to save the day. It’s time to totally redefine college. This is a change that is long overdue.We need to wipe out all fake classes like psychology, gender studies and bullshit with no point and no real world applications. If you don’t play sports, play video games, play intramurals get out. If you don’t need to learn a real skill like being a doctor get out. If you’re a girl who hates the world because you’re ugly and boys don’t like you get out.. If you’re going to college just to stir shit up for 4 years or act like you know how to solve all the worlds problems get out. College is supposed to be a 4 year escape. A time to party and fuck and enjoy life before you graduate and get a 9-5 you hate and realize life sucks. If you want to change the world you should have to be part of the world. You need to have a real job you hate, a boss you hate and ride the subway everyday. Then you can protest shit. But nobody should be allowed to complain till they’ve stopped getting zits and have worked a full time 9-5. So from now on we need to weed out the jerks and assholes and self righteous fools who don’t understand what college is for. Go be serious somewhere else. Nobody wants to hear it from the peanut gallery. In conclusion if you’re not in college to party, fuck, play sports, or learn a real skill that you need for a job you can’t go to college. That will solve everything.