Jeb Bush Says If He Could Go Back In Time He'd Kill Baby Hitler

This is when the internet is at its best. A lot, I repeat, a lot, of the internet sucks. But when you’ve got presidential candidates answering hypotheticals that went viral on Twitter a month ago then it’s gold. Would Jeb go back and murder an infant? No choice, gotta do it.

But, unfortunately, Jeb is very wrong here. No shot can you kill baby Hitler. I apologize to all the Jew/gypsy/disabled/brunette/etc readers and bosses of Barstool Sports but if it’s between like 11 million of you guys dying and me having PTSD nightmares about bashing a baby’s head in, Mountain v Viper style, then it’s you guys taking the fall. It’s you guys every time. Without question. You guys.

I could probably kill Hitler starting at likeeeeeee 15. Maybe 16. By that time he’s probably growing a little bit of that peach fuzz stache and started goose stepping around town like he’s the shit. Sixteen year old Hitler definitely has that “I’m better than everyone and know everything because I’m the best thing to ever happen to earth” attitude that all 16 year olds have, but genocidal maniacs have a bit more. That dude I could put a bullet in, or strangle to death, or stab in the eye with a spoon. But a baby? Come on, Jeb. I’m not killing a fucking baby.