Oh People Still Don't Think Aliens Landed In California? Then What The Fuck Is This Thing?
Complex- High off the exhilarating joy ride of that recent UFO that turned out to be a boring missile test, Americans are tripping over themselves to figure out new ways to say “That’s an alien, bro. That is definitely an alien.” The photo below, which is acutely disturbing no matter the context, purports to show a mysterious two-legged creature with a peculiar face and bizarre overall body structure: The esteemed Daily Star reports that the photos of this admittedly alien-like creature, apparently discovered in San Jose, were posted to Reddit and Facebook. “I heard something scream at like 11:30 last night and went on my side yard and found this thing,” Facebook user Gianna Peponis wrote. “It was dead when I found it.”
If you don’t believe in aliens then you are a moron of the highest degree. It’s as simple as that. That’s a good way to weed out people you shouldn’t be hanging around. Do you believe in aliens? No? Then get the fuck outta my face. It’s the same thing with ghosts but the other way around. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes? Then get the fuck outta my face. Ghosts aren’t real. Aliens are. How could they not be? You gotta be pretty narcissistic to believe we’re the only living things floating around out here. Pres said he’s #TeamAlien and that’s just dumb. I’ll fight an alien until my last breath. These Earth colors don’t run. But at least he agrees aliens exist. For the people who still don’t believe, please explain to me what the hell that thing in the picture is. Looks a whole hell of a lot like an alien to me. And don’t come at me with, “That’s fake. It’s gotta be. Of course people are gonna try and get their 15 minutes of fame with the supposed UFO sighting that happened this weekend and post fake alien pictures. Be better.” Poppycock. Those are the same people who think the UFO sighting in California on Saturday was a Naval launch. Their eyes are glued the fuck shut. Don’t come crying to me when angry ET knocks on your door and probes your butthole. They’re here.
To any aliens out there reading this blog, come at me. Come to my part of the country. You invaded the west coast and, I’ll admit, that was smart. Pretty easy to conquer a bunch of hippies with their surfboards and kale smoothies. Come to the Midwest. See what happens.