Dragon AKA Little Willy. A loyal KFC Radio listener and one seriously ambitious young man. He set his sights on the 6, 12, 18, 24 Challenge this weekend and documented his entire journey via twitter. He elected to do 12 miles. 6 JOs. 18 donuts. 24 beers. His tale is a long and torrid one. It tested the limits of of man’s lungs, liver, stomach, and penis. There were ups, there were downs. There were friendships made along the way. This is the true story of a college kid running in circles, getting shitfaced, eating donuts, and jerking his dick off all day long. Enjoy:
So at this point I knew we werent dealing with an ordinary person. I mean I already knew that, because anyone who just willingly chooses to do this has some issues. But 12 miles in 2 hours is fucking nuts. He’s a runner. And runners are a weird breed. We aint dealing with just any old bro here. This guy is fucked in the head. And after his 12 miles, he was feeling a little cocky:
Roughly a third of the way into his challenge, word of this man’s undertaking begins to spread. Murmurs on campus spread like wildfire. Like Paul Bunyan, a tall tale. A fellow named DRAGON AKA LITTLE WILLY is on a journey that would make Bilbo Baggins and the rest of the Fellowship of the Ring cower. And so Dragon has friends join him on his odyssey.
Strict rules, of course, for this new friendship, but friends nonetheless.
At this point I thought about calling the authorities. As you all know I’m a HUGE advocate of Pre Crime. And there has never been a better example of Pre Crime than a loner who wakes up in the morning and decides to run 12 miles, jerk off 6 times, drink a case of beer and eat almost 20 donuts. I mean its not like a frat decided to do this together. Not like a bunch of buddies challenged each other. This dude is SOLO. A pack of dudes with some seriously questionable decision making practices invite this wacko into their house. I’m surprised he didnt fucking slaughter every single one of them. I mean take a look at this picture:
You’re telling me you couldnt see that on your TV screen on CNN? They slowly zoom in on his cold dead eyes and report that there’s been a massacre on a college campus? 1 lone gunman murders 12 at local college campus…all thats found on the scene is a box of donuts, empty beer cans, and some lotion.
But alas, Dragon was not a murderer. But rather gracious to his hosts:
It wasnt just these bros either. Dragon AKA Little Willy had a whole fan base. He had the support of the entire nation (read: like 10 people who were following this on twitter):
A couple hours later he’s asking completely ridiculous questions and trying to bring his own cans of beer into the bar:
By 10:30, Dragon is talking shit to the aliens that were flying over Los Angeles:
And then, he went ghost. The last we heard from Dragon was 10:32pm. 13 hours after this journey began. Famous last words from this man on the 6, 12, 18, 24 challenge were basically “Fuck those aliens.” And so nightfalls and people go to sleep and wake up to see that Dragon still had not yet reemerged. Was he dead? In the hospital? Did he choke on his own vomit of donuts and beer? Did he go for a 5th and 6th JO and his heart gave out? Chrissy said #JOorDie. Maybe he did. 25 and 1/2 hours after the challenge began, he resurfaces:
2 Jerkoffs and 2 donuts short!!!! Thats fucking NUTS! How do you let those be the 2 things that stop you!!!!? 12 miles and a 30 rack later, you couldnt just tug your dick a few more times and shove 2 donuts down your throat????? For real I’ve jerked off 4 times in a normal day many times. If my wife goes away I’m EASILY good for 4. And thats on a day when I’m not committed to finishing a challenge like this. Put a couple more glazed donuts in your mouth, fire up some of the weirdest porn you’ve ever seen, and get this job fucking DONE. Get a chick to jerk you off those final 2 times. Have someone cut up those donuts into little pieces. But Do NOT let the jerks and donuts beat you.
A valiant effort from Dragon AKA Little Willy. People kinda loved you, and then kinda hated you for being a weird social misfit eating drink and masturbating all over the place.
But you said it best, Dragon: