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This Girl's Tinder Bio Explaining Why She's On The App Sums Up How Weird It Is That Everyone's On It

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That sums it all up so well. I assume I’ve seen way more Tinder bios than most people due to this blog (yes…only the blog. Not using the app for sex) and sometimes I’m blown away at how incredibly weird some people seem on there. There are some times I don’t even include ones in here because I have no clue what to say about it because my brain can barely process it. People claiming to be all sorts of weird sexualities, people talking blood orgies or insane self-aggrandizing rants. But then with this chick’s bio it’s like oh yeah when you think about it like that, of course it’s weird. These may be real people, but they’re real people on the Internet, a place where I can find My Little Pony fan fiction or a chick eating to get fat while guys jerk off to it on webcam. When you think about it like that, it would be much weirder if Tinder consisted of entirely normal people. But, just like real life, make sure to always watch out for guys dressed up like Rainbow Dash.

 

And so begins another week of online dating weirdness. Thanks to everyone who continues to send stuff in, even as cuffing season quickly approaches, make sure to follow me and DM me yours on Twitter, and if you update your iPhone app, this blog won’t crash! What a week!

 

 

al

(via AL)

 

 

BB-NEEDSREDBOX

When you never message any girls and Tinder lowkey implies you’re gay (via BB)

 

 

 

SG-NEEDSBLUR

This girl fucks (via SG)

 

 

 

 

EB

(via EB)

 

 

 

TH

Seriously if you live somewhere that chicks post things like this on Tinder, move (via TH)

 

 

LAB

With clever lines like that, I think Autumn should be voted to a board position on the Itty Bitty Titty Committee (via LAB)

 

 

p

I don’t like the implication that strippers aren’t actually paying their way through med school (via P)

 

 

tom-iamnotsurprised

Listen I don’t want to prejudge glory holes but this is EXACTLY whom I would picture being on the other end of a glory hole (via Tom)

 

 

 

jp-clichebutsavvylifelessons

Cliché but savvy life lessons from Tinder girls (via JP)

 

 

 

JG-notsureifactuallymiakhalifabecausesheblockedallofbarstool

I’m not sure if this is Mia Khalifa or a scam that will leave you murdered in Mexico and I can’t ask her because she blocked all of Barstool after Big Cat wrote a mean blog about her. We may never know. (via JG)

 

 

 

 

mh

I would say the rack proves that she’s underselling herself on how well she can woman (via MH)

 

 

 

kush-kentuckytinder

Kentucky Tinder doing exactly what you’d expect from Kentucky Tinder (via Kush)

 

 

 

m-thefacesaysshesnotkiddingwithherkhialyrics

The wry face she’s making says she is not joking at all with these Khia lyrics (via M)

 

 

 

 

MD

It’s a thin line between “girl Tinder bio” and “shitty dirty joke book we used to read and laugh at in 5th grade” (via MD)

 

 

 

bjb-mostaggressiveinstagramname

That has to be the most aggressive Instagram name around (via BJB)

 

 

 

dubyah1

dubyah2

Not sure if kidding or the most casual breast cancer talk ever but either way, I’m swiping right for Wonder Woman 100 times out of 100

 

(via Dubyah)

 

 

 

JC-classicasianfemdommoves

Classic Asian chick femdom moves (via JC)

 

 

 

 

 

 

JC

I like the sentiment but not sure if swiping right is cosigning on the sweaty butthole eating, seems like there should be more of a negotiation involved (via JC)

 

 

MS-aggressivejewjokecity

The cutest girls are always the most anti-Semitic:

 

(via MS)

 

 

MS-storychecksout

Story checks out (via MS)

 

 

BL

I’ve said it many times in here, these last two chicks prove my theory that having jugs gives girls so much more confidence as adult women (via BL)

 

weekday-bootysauce

This girl is not going to be happy when she finds out the sauce people think she wants a booty to make on her face (via Weekday)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dh-didntexpectwariotobesomulticulturalinreallife

I can’t say I expected Wario to be quite as multicultural in real life (via DH)

 

 

 

TR-thisweeksremindertranniesmakegoodcollages

This week’s reminder that trannies also make very interesting collages (via TR)

 

 

 

mace

More chances than most girls would give you, good for this girl’s generosity of spirit (via Mace)

 

 

LBM-shesnotthatfaroff

She’s not that far off (via LBM)

 

 

 

vc-notverychristianofthem

Well that’s not very Christian of them (via VC)

 

 

 

n-hopetheclassroomhascomfortablechairs

I hope those classrooms have comfortable chairs (via N)

 

 

 

AS-pleasedontbeabot

Your “pray to the sweet lord Jesus she isn’t a bot” of the week (via AS)

 

 

 

JL-justknowthatwasahugedump

You just know that was a huge dump in that bathroom (via JL)

 

 

 

JL

(via JL)

 

 

pete1

pete2

Talking like that all the time seems EXHAUSTING (via Pete)

 

 

 

CJ

Genital herpes: Nature’s secret handshake (via CJ)

 

 

 

zf

(via ZF)

 

 

jk-thiswouldbeagreattindernohookupscostume

jk2

Maybe it’s just me but I genuinely can’t imagine a world in which I would or could ever have sex with a woman who has had hooks shoved through her flesh…willingly (via JK)

 

 

 

rp

It’s one of life’s great ironies that the chicks most genuinely open about sex are always the ones who look like this (via RP)

 

 

 

 

chloe-preferencessetforonlymen

The girl who sent this in said her preferences were set for only men and I’m still not clear if those settings are right or not (via Chloe)

 

 

 

sk1-didntendwellfordirkdiggler

sk2

This sounds an awful lot like a situation that did not end so well in a parking lot for Dirk Diggler (via SK)

 

 

 

j-awfulhandtoo

Prejudging dicks is cruel but having nails and a hand like that as a chick would be crueler  (via J)

 

 

dp

(via DP)

 

 

 

mm-southernbigtittedadulterygreaterthanothers

Southern big titted adultery > all other adultery (via MM)

 

 

 

rev-doihavetowearcargopants

Do I have to wear cargo pants like the guy in the photo too though? (via Rev)

 

 

 

 

stash

(via Stash)

 

 

 

mf

I get what she’s going for here but any girl drinking a virgin margarita should have to give her big tits to someone more fun (via MF)

 

 

 

s

Why even go to school and pay tuition when you have life all figured out at 18? (via S)

 

 

 

BN-ifthereisntlovebehindyourasseatingtheassdidntgeteaten

If there isn’t love behind your ass eating, did the ass get eaten at all? (via BN)

 

 

 

RL

Dating in a nutshell (via RL)

 

 

jp-1

jp-2

Nothing has ever more summed up the “girl who says ‘no hookups’ on Tinder” life more than this chick (via JP)

 
And onto the hot and perhaps a bit NSFW ones:

 

 

 

 

pat

I’m sorry but there is never a time in my life in which I’m not letting the boobs fool me assuming there isn’t a big honking dick attached too (via Pat)

 

 

starlord

(via Starlord)

 

 

pat-saidwhatyouwillbutibetshemadebankasastripper

Say what you will but I bet she made BANK as a stripper (via Pat)

 

 

 

biggulp

(via Big Gulp)

 

 

JL-hotnsfw

Couldn’t be a post-Halloween Tinder blog without at least one sexy costume (via JL)

 

 

GM-NEEDSBLUR

(via GM)

 

 

 

GB-NEEDSBLUR

Named Kaylee + says “anyone’s wanna” = definitely a hooker without even seeing the part about fucking for money (via GB)

 

 

jc-NEEDSBLUR

This girl was on here I think last week and I have to say her bad girl caption game is en fuego (via JC)

 

sw

(via SW)

 

 

BN-NEEDSBLUR

No clue if I’m looking at a girl ass, a hipster guy ass, but an ass is an ass (via BN)

 

 

tm-lasthotnsfwtakenwhoreskills

She has a very particular set of whore skills (via TM)

 

And here are this week’s NSFW cherries on top with a Pats fan, Snow White, and a very polite girl. Send me your screenshots on Twitter and happy swiping!